Harland Patch, from Raleigh, US, feels belittled because his partner’s mother insists on his referring to her in casual conversation as Mrs Hauser.
You should address your partner’s mother as she wishes to be addressed. That is elementary politeness. I agree that these formal handles sound stuffy to modern ears. But there are many formal people still around. Formalities matter to them. The customs and prejudices of the older are not necessarily wrong. Just different. Vive la différence. Let tolerance and generosity be our watchwords.
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Elizabeth Ambler, Heavitree, Exeter: “Yes, you should honour your partner’s mother’s wish — but I trust that in the intimacy of your family circle she relaxes and invites you to call her by her Christian name. She is making a stand under the banner ‘marriage matters’. Perhaps it is her way of giving you reverse encouragement to make an honest woman of her daughter?”
David Agress, Newport Beach, California: “The tone of your question suggests that some friction already exists between you. Why aggravate it further by not acceding to her request?”
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John Pope, Tisbury, Wilts: “Try marrying the girl. Mrs Hauser may regret the current fashion for taking a partner for sex rather than a wife for life. When you are family she will welcome a greater intimacy of address.”
Readers are invited to send their responses to this week’s question by February 18. A selection will be givenin a fortnight.
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Should one finish a word for someone who has a stutter?
Ian Lawson, Stornoway