TUESDAY: Every racegoer’s checklist on leaving home begins and ends with the car park pass — crucial to avoiding overt stress, argument and a hike from that extortionate multi-storey near Bracknell. Imagine, then, the feelings of Radio 5 Live’s smoothest presenter, John Inverdale. Morning-suited on a sweltering day, he wound down his car window for ventilation and that treasured pass fluttered away down the M4. The gateman declined to buy this story (“Heard ‘em all before mate”) and Inverdale’s powers of persuasion were similarly wasted on one of his programme guests, plainly neither a monarchist nor a lover of sporting pageantry. Replying to the presenter’s promptings about the “sense of occasion”, Piers Brendan likened the scene to the Nuremberg Rallies.
Mr Brendan might have been more approving of Milton Bradley, most down-to-earth of all Flat trainers. Bradley drove his own horsebox up from the Welsh borders, brought his usual picnic for the staff and wore a lived-in pinstripe suit. “Wearing fancy clothes don’t make the horses win,” he observed. The Tatling duly brought Bradley the biggest win of his 44-year training career but it did not detain him among the inebriate car park parties. He drove the lorry back and had a cup of tea. “We don’t get carried away like some do,” he said.
Bradley’s trophy was presented by Pat Eddery, whose name has sadly been deleted, through retirement, from the top of the honours board of Ascot winners. After 33 royal meetings as a rider, Eddery had to wear a morning suit for the first time. He could still meet his old riding weight but he denies any thoughts of a comeback — “I honestly haven’t missed it” — and has also ditched the idea of taking out a trainer ‘s licence.
WEDNESDAY: Ascot’s merchandise shops have diversified this year. Away from top hats (the star attraction is a pink antique number for £10,000), they are doing brisk trade in a range of souvenirs usually found in airport shops bearing Union Jacks rather than the Ascot crest. Another new line is evocative black and white photographs of the meeting through history. At £290 each, they are not cheap but a crowd scene in the Royal Enclosure in 1976 is especially eye-catching, because it could have been taken today. Morning-dress is the antidote to fashion — it casts a blur over time.
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By contrast, Ascot’s grandstand is showing its age all too clearly. From the rear, it resembles that office block in Slough where David Brent became a cult character. The bulldozers are not coming a year too soon. Come the revolution, nothing will be missed less than the disagreeable tunnel that dispatches ordinary racegoers under the dainty feet of the Royal Enclosure.
New Ascot will have no such subways. Exactly what will be reprieved, though? There is to be a place, apparently, for the stone lions who guard the weighing-room and for the old telegram board, unused since heaven-knows-when. Whether Royal Enclosure Lodge, where the chief executive and his wife host daily lunch parties, will survive is unclear. Explaining the pictorial plan of the redevelopment today, Douglas Erskine-Crum was suddenly made aware that it showed his own house had disappeared.
THURSDAY: Traffic chaos this morning. Might have something to do with two new sets of pedestrian lights outside the course. They replace the old system of police supervision, which had its ups and downs. One evening, Lester Piggott was in a hurry to get back to his car and kept shuffling onto the road and back as he waited impatiently for the policeman to stop the traffic. “There’s a zebra crossing down the road, sir,” the officer told him.
“I hope he’s having more luck than me,” the legend muttered.
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Next to Piggott, the greatest star of modern Ascot has been Henry Cecil. His 70 royal winners are untouchable among present trainers but this was to be a second successive blank year. Cecil had his one runner of the week today and Modesta was a good name for it — no chance by halfway. The familiar “Good old Henry” has long since passed to “Poor old Henry” and is now in danger of becoming “Henry who?” The Queen’s hat attracts more scrutiny than usual today. Paddy Power, the Irish bookmaker, runs a book on which colour she will choose for Ladies’ Day. Last year, lilac was the morning “steamer”, with a suspicious flood of bets from Liverpool, and the monarch duly obliged. This time, two early favourites, yellow and blue, are now any price after being worn on the first two days. The Queen turns up in plain white, to the disappointment of those who thought she might enter the Euro 2004 spirit with a Union Jack hat at 500-1.
There were plenty of flags around the bandstand after racing as the community singing coincided with England’s dismissal of the Swiss. Big screens out front, singing at the rear, and the mix was sublime. As the Swiss were reduced to ten men, “Glory, Glory, Hallelujah” was the refrain. Rooney’s second goal? Cue Land of Hope and Glory.
FRIDAY: For the first time, Friday’s crowd is the biggest of the week. It has become Lads’ Day (though thankfully without the associated misconduct — arrests were down), but this does not stop the snaking queues for the ladies’ loos. Nick Smith, the Ascot PR chief, says the question most regularly asked about the redevelopment is whether there will be more toilets. “The answer is yes — twice as many ”.
One such queue — on the patch of grass labelled Hospital Lawn, helpful for those ready to pass out — obscures the Lost Property office, where a cheerful woman tells me that the list of most-mislaid items includes cameras, earrings, ladies’ hats (“but never top hats”) and, curiously, shoes. “Lots of shoes,” she confirms. “But usually not a pair. You’d be amazed how many people must go home with only one shoe.”
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In the Silver Ring, a bookmaker’s board reads: “Don’t be sad, bet with Brad”. So that’s what he’s up to, these days? No, I thought not. Graham Bradley is bold as brass in the Royal Enclosure, possibly for the last time in a while. His High Court appeal against a five-year warning-off starts next Monday, more than two years since the Jockey Club began proceedings against him. “The longest soap opera in racing,” a club official said bitterly.
SATURDAY: Extract from a royal’s diary: “At a quarter past 12 we went to Ascot races with the whole company in nine carriages. In the first went the King, the Queen, Mamma and I . . . How all the others went I do not know. The races were very good and there was an immense concourse of people there of all ranks . . . I was very much amused.” No change there, then, despite this chronicle of Princess Victoria dating back to 1834. These days, there are only four carriages daily, plus two “detached motor cars”.
Sheikh Mohammed was not offered a carriage ride this year but he has had ample consolations. His new bride, Princess Haya, is constantly at his side in the corner of the owners’ stand that is for ever Maktoum. And the horses are winning. Doyen’s scintillating burst in the Hardwicke Stakes brings a sixth success of the week for Godolphin and Frankie Dettori.
Dettori’s television interviews have been compelling. On Thursday, he greeted Papineau’s Gold Cup success by grabbing Willie Carson’s microphone and bellowing: “Who’s the Daddy?” Carson had another shock today when Gary Stevens, Hollywood star and loquacious jockey, launched into him for comments after his rodeo recovery on Chic. Stevens told Rishi Persad: “He doesn’t think I ride very well and I don’t think he’s very good on TV.”
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And then it was over — for how long, no one can be sure. York stages the meeting next year. Betting on 2006 may open shortly. One thing is certain. When it does return, Ascot will be unrecognisable.