Question: I employ a nanny who is generally great but who has quite a gloomy outlook. I ignored this until my son started showing similar signs of pessimism, parroting some of her favourite moans — when he fell over recently, he told me that “Life is full of pain” and he has muttered darkly about people not being very kind under the surface. I asked her to try to be more cheeful around him but her dourness persists. What can I do to make sure that it does not infect my child?
Caroline, 34
Answer: You know, I’ve never really bought in to this life view that everything has to be ice cream and Disneyland for kids — sure, we would like it to be but, come on, we live in the UK, not fairyland, and occasionally the magic is going to be rained off.
Looking after your own kids is darned hard work. Looking after other people’s, well, wouldn’t you feel you earned the right to grumble now and then?
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Do I sound harsh? Well, honey, I have had four children and every type of nanny you care to imagine — you may have heard about some of them. Believe me, if the nanny is great in every other way then not only should dourness be tolerated, you should try to nurture it.
A little Chekhovian gloom will not only let your child adapt to a world where it’s not all sunshine and roses, it will also help him to develop a real British sense of humour, which, believe me, is the thing that will get him places in the world.
If you still feel that your nanny’s outlook is going to damage your son then I think you have to consider whether you just feel guilty about leaving him with someone else.
I say relax. It’s great that he gets to know other people — and at least you’re always going to seem like the positive, fun one.