Teachers are trying to prevent children from having best friends in what they claim is an attempt to spare them the pain of falling out.
Primary schools that adopt the policy encourage children to play in large groups rather than develop tight-knit bonds.
Critics warn that the approach prevents children learning about the ups and downs of relationships, which is part of growing up.
Gaynor Sbuttoni, an educational psychologist working with primary schools in Surrey and Kingston, southwest London, said the “no best friends” policy was becoming increasingly common. She provides counselling for children, some of whom admit to being upset at being denied best friends.
Sbuttoni said: “I have noticed that teachers tell children they shouldn’t have a best friend and that everyone should play together.
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“Some teachers have also consulted me about this and asked me if I think it’s right. We discuss the pros and cons of learning to deal with break-ups. They’re doing it because they want to save the child the pain of splitting up from their best friend.
“But it’s natural for some children to want a best friend. If they break up, they have to feel the pain because then they’re learning to deal with it.
“They’re not going to go throughout their lives with no break-ups. As parents, we’re all trying to prevent our children feeling pain, but what we should be doing is helping them bear it and find solutions, rather than trying to take it away.”
She added: “Some teachers say things like ‘come on, you two, you’ve got to be friends’ and the children can’t stand each other. I don’t think teachers should interfere in friendships.”
Judith Mortell, an educational psychologist, said she saw big differences in how willing schools were to view “friendship issues” as part of their remit.
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She said: “Some schools view it as a waste of valuable curriculum time while others see it as part of a holistic approach to education.”
Russell Hobby, general secretary of the National Association of Head Teachers, said he had heard of the “no best friends” stance in some schools. He said: “I don’t think it’s widespread but clearly it’s happening. It seems bizarre. I don’t see how you can stop people forming close friendships. We make and lose friends throughout our lives.”
Brian Lightman, general secretary of the Association of School and College Leaders, said it was “wrong to shield children from the process of growing up”.
“Children need to learn how friendships develop and also to understand that they will change, they will make new friends as they grow up,” he said.