In another of my sporadic, fantastically futile bids to get a grip on my finances, I started to list all the clothes I bought last year. I’m not sure what I thought this would achieve, but in hindsight it was an error. Too much information. There was a gorgeous satin shirt, which went on a very successful blind date. (Well, something got me a second date and I can only assume it was the shirt.) But then there were two four-figure cocktail dresses, three pairs of white jeans, four navy and white stripy sweaters (Four? Hello?), a pink gauzy scarf from Joseph to add to the umpteen gauzy scarves already in my possession, and an expensive beach cover-up, presumably to alternate with the one I already have, on the beach holidays I never go on.
In despair, I gave up and turned to shoes, which is where things got really bad. Total pairs bought: five. Number of those that were wildly expensive heels: five. Number of those that were black: four. Mitigating factors: none. (Having cancer, as I did a couple of years ago, was fantastically useful in this regard: you can justify buying almost anything when you’re wearing a wig and have arms with more holes than a colander.)
With expenditure like this, disabling my wi-fi and staying in is clearly the only safe course of action, and for that I think I’ll need pyjamas. Gilly Hicks has soft cotton navy Rozelle bottoms (£26; uk.gillyhicks.com) which would be nice with one of the lace-trimmed Scotland Island vests (loads of colours, £18), and Superdry has tartan Lumberjack lounge pants also in lots of colourways (£44.99, above; superdry.com). Princesse Tam Tam has some pretty sprigged PJ bottoms (£41; stylebop.com), which you could wear with a little navy or white cotton top – Next’s three-quarter-length-sleeve Henley top, say (£10; next.co.uk). Laurence Tavernier does classic PJs including some white cotton ones with snazzy fuchsia piping (£132.50; Harrods, Fortnum & Mason). Marks & Spencer has pure cotton striped PJ bottoms for £12.50 (marksandspencer.com) and some pretty pale pink and cream Revere cotton spot pyjamas (£19.50).
The irony of my pyjama-buying spree is that I’ve never worn pyjamas, or indeed anything else, in bed. All that fabric wrapping itself round you irritates the hell out of me and, as the temperature in my flat is something akin to June in Mumbai, cold isn’t an issue. However, I was once given a beautiful silk pair, which would have rendered this week’s purchase unnecessary, were it not for the fact that after wearing them in hospital I never wanted to see them again. I could, of course, have washed and stored them out of sight, which is what a normal person would have done, but I am prone to pointless, melodramatic gestures so I binned them instead. Thus did another entirely avoidable shopping trip come to pass, and thus does bankruptcy edge ever closer.