HOW are you getting on since Alan Shearer patented his goal celebration? Personally, I’m not doing so well. It’s only been five days since the Newcastle United striker removed his utterly unique, totally distinctive, one-hand-raised gesture from the public domain, and I reckon I’m already about £4,000 down in unpaid rights fees.
Problems started on Tuesday morning, when I waved to a neighbour across the street. Boom! That’s about £700 gone, right there. Later that morning, I put my hand out for a bus. Kerching! Another 700 quid. And before I knew it, I was trespassing all over Shearer’s intellectual property for a third time in one single, measly day when I hailed a taxi.
Obviously my children are now under strict instruction not to raise their hands in class unless it’s absolutely necessary. But tonight I may well find myself in a restaurant and required to attract the attention of a waiter. Which will make it a hugely expensive night out, what with the babysitter.
One appreciates that legends have their images to exploit. But it’s getting to the point for the rest of us these days where the only affordable option is to stay indoors.