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Pass notes

No 88: THATCHER: THE MUSICAL

Brilliant idea. And I have the perfect opening line. Rod Stewart singing: “Maggie I wish I’d never seen your face.”

Oh, don’t be so peevish. It’s so passé to bang on about Lady Thatcher being a monster. Anyway, it isn’t going to be a hatchet job. It’s a dramatic examination of how she changed the political landscape.

Exactly. So I propose that the second song should be Cliff Richard’s Devil Woman.

God, this is tedious. I don’t care if your mining village was concreted over to make a motorway and your father was thrown on the dole. Get over it. Rejoice that we have such a national treasure in our midst.

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I’d be very careful how I used that word “rejoice” if I were you.

What you obviously fail to appreciate is the complexity of the woman and the many key stages in her life. That’s why Foursight, the Wolverhampton-based theatre troupe, has her in nine different personas — grocer’s daughter, twinset, power suit . . .

Ball-cruncher. Anyway, call me old-fashioned but a luvvie musical doesn’t seem a terribly pertinent way to celebrate the Iron Lady. Wouldn’t it have been better to have named something more relevant after her? You know, like an Uzi, or a killer shark?

I find your attitude very 1980s National Union of Students. There promises to be some very light moments. The songwriter Jill Dowse has penned a song called The Cabinet Shuffle. Great, eh?

I do hope that it features actors making stabbing motions in other people’s backs. Mind you, Morrissey wrote a song in 1987 called Margaret on the Guillotine.

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I find that offensive.

You can’t. It’s art. So will the lady be going when the show starts in February?

She’s getting an invitation but it’s not known whether she’ll accept. Maybe she’ll take Mark!

Sshh! The idea is to sell tickets, not put the theatre company out of business.

Do say: What an innovative portrait of a great political icon.

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Don’t say: Maggie, Maggie, Maggie — out, out, out!