NO 99 WHITE POWDER
(A nightclub in St Moritz. 12.38am)
I’m just going to the loo. One last dance and we must be off. Kurt is meeting me at 8am to go off-piste.
(Goldfrapp’s Ride A White Horse starts up. The crowd surge on to the dancefloor.)
OK, but you had better be careful. I’m told it’s snowing in there.
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What, in the loos? But I thought the club had just been renovated.
Yes, but when I say snow I don’t mean snow. I mean, you know, snow.
Sorry, I can’t hear you... the music’s very loud. (Shouts) I like this song, though. What’s it about? A white horse or something?
Hmm, yes, a horse. Which is white. Which you “ride on”. Look, let’s go.
(Outside) Why did you do that? I still had at least half my drink left.
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Couldn’t you see? Everyone in there was wired to the teeth.
What, with braces? I didn’t notice. I thought everyone had very nice teeth, actually. Especially that very chatty girl with the pink top.
I wasn’t speaking orthodontically. Chemically. You know, white powder, Devil’s dandruff, Colombian marching powder. Are you with me now?
You don’t mean cocaine?!
Yes, I do mean cocaine. The place is covered in the stuff.
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Are you sure? I agree, they all seemed very chatty, but. . .
Believe me, the people here are not naturally that friendly. Professor Fritz Sorgel, of the Institute for Biomedical and Pharmaceutical Research, in Nuremberg, thought the same, so he conducted a study.
And. . .
And he discovered that when tested for benzoylecgonine, a by-product of cocaine easily detectable in urine, San Moritz sewer water yielded a daily average of 140g of the drug.
That doesn’t sound too bad. Aren’t you being a little hasty?
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That’s the equivalent of about 1,400 lines of cocaine per day.
Wow. No wonder this place is famous for its powder skiing.
Do say: Disgraceful what the idle rich get up to.
Don’t say: 1,400 lines of coke a day. Pah. That’s a light dusting compared to the 150,000 lines supposedly consumed daily in London.