1 O ye of little faith! Did I not bid my servant George and my servant Tony to smite the King of Babylon before he brought down evil on your heads?
2 And what did ye say? “Give us a sign, O Lord, that the King of Babylon can bring down evil on our heads?”
3 And did I not bid the prophet Elijah to write in the Book of Revelation all of the plagues that the King of Babylon had hidden about his kingdom, more terrible even than lice and flies and boils and locusts, which he could bring upon your heads even within 45 minutes? And did not my prophet set down these things exactly as they were told unto him?
4 And did he not write that the King of Babylon had sent his servants into Africa to buy such things for him whereof he might build a column of fire? And did not my prophet set down these things as they were told unto him, even though some of those things were told by false prophets, yet they were true things told unto him by those whom ye may know not?
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5 Know ye not, ye doubters, that all things shall be found of which ye were told and even if they are not found yet Tony is my servant and whithersoever he goest ye should go, too, even into the kingdoms of Syria or Persia with my servant George, and yea, verily, that my servant Tony is right also about foundation hospitals, even as he spake unto you?
6 For Tony is the Way, whether it be the third or the fourth or the seven-and-twentieth, and without him you shall be cast down from your seats and wander again in the wilderness.
7 And even after you had been told these things, did ye follow my servant George and my servant Tony as you had been bidden? Did ye not say, “No, we will not smite the King of Babylon until this is spoken of in the tower of Babel?” And did not my servants George and Tony go unto the tower of Babel that they might bid all the other kingdoms to join with them and smite the King of Babylon? And did not the other kingdoms send their servant Blix to seek out the things whereof I had spoken, even in the kingdom of Babylon?
8 And when Blix did not find the things, because they had been hidden by the King of Babylon, did ye not say, “Give him more time that he may seek these things?” And among all the kings in the tower of Babel only my servant George and my servant Tony would obey me and smite the King of Babylon, and would ye follow them?
9 And did ye not say, “We like not George, because he speaks with a crooked tongue and because he goes about with rich men”? Yet George is my servant and his doctrine is my doctrine and his commandments are my commandments, even if they sometimes are corrected by them that set down his words?
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10 And, lo, when the King of Baby- lon was smitten, even with cluster bombs dropped from on high, and driven from his kingdom, would ye rejoice? Did ye not mutter to yourselves and even unto those who give out news, “Where are these plagues of which we were told, and the column of fire, for they have been found not?” And did not my prophet Tony say, “Be patient, for the King of Babylon was so cunning that he hid not those things which he had in the places where we told the man Blix to look?” So have a little faith. For God’s sake.
RICHARD HELLER