Sir, Rosemary Bennett (Mar 7) asks if the development of pre-engagement represents a sensible period of reflection before making a lifelong commitment or another illustration of contemporary self-obsession.
It may instead be an early sign of the re-emergence of the betrothal, which was often seen in the Dark Ages and early Middle Ages as the first stage of marriage, when sexual intercourse was regarded as licit. It was a public declaration of a non-binding commitment to getting married. A betrothal ring was often given and worn. Pre-engagement “counselling” was not necessary as betrothal and marriage decisions were made by the fathers of the couple — until Pope Alexander III set the cat among the pigeons by decreeing that the validity of marriage required the mutual consent of the spouses themselves.
Anthony Spencer
Hele, Devon