I was 30 when I had my epiphany: I realised that lying down in a scented room while someone else cleaned my face made me happy. There is now worryingly little I don’t know about the world’s nicest spas – the treatments they offer, the cosmetics brands they use, the advisability of letting the therapist in a Beijing business hotel perform extractions.
I have gazed like a love-struck teenager at beautiful pedicures, and fumed over bad ones. Spas are good. They make at least some of us happy. They give us time to talk to our friends, and to leave feeling better.
Having said that, I’ve always thought that getting on a long-haul flight to have a facial is faintly ridiculous. The planet deserves better than a load of pointless women traversing the globe in pursuit of glowing skin.
Then I tried it. My road to enlightenment got off to a good start as it began in my Happy Place: Heathrow’s Terminal 5. T5 has everything I need: sushi, make-up and an Anya Hindmarch outlet. There is the BA executive lounge, with its dinky sandwiches and free wine, and an Elemis spa, where they massaged my back to prepare me for the rigours of drinking too much at 30,000 feet.
And at the end of said flight, I found myself in Mauritius, at the Oberoi. What can I say? Go. Now. Save up. Sell your granny if you have to. It’s paradise. The sand is soft, the sea is warm and pale blue. I sat on a sunlounger eating watermelon granita, with the Indian Ocean before me and hibiscus trees behind. Mauritius isn’t short of luxury hotels, but the Oberoi’s USP is good taste, privacy, good food and a fabulous spa. It’s also less than an hour from the airport: get on a plane in England and you get off it pretty much in your room.
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If you want flashy, don’t come here. If you want group activities or communal dining or scuba diving instructors who bully you into leaving your sunlounger, think again. If you want quiet luxury, and to be left alone, book now. Set in 20 acres, it has 71 rooms, hidden away down flower-lined paths, many with their own private pools and gardens.
The spa is serious – and gorgeous: all dark wood, pale marble and stone, pools of water and bowls of tropical flowers. Treatments are by charming therapists, who really know what they’re doing, in soaring, thatched rooms, some open to the elements, so you nod off in the fresh air, listening to the birds sing.
They used Africology products in my body treatment, a new organic range from South Africa. The African Hypoxis Body Experience was a two-hour extravaganza of scrubbing, rubbing, kneading and oiling. By the end, I was softer, cleaner and more relaxed than any Londoner should be. The spa menu is long, taking in all the wraps, facials and mani/pedis you’d expect, but the most popular treatment is the Oberoi massage. When it’s given in this setting, by masseuses who know the meaning of the word “firm”, you can understand why.
All the treatments use natural ingredients – rooibos, lavender, mint, essential oils – a philosophy they carry through to the kitchen, where much of the fruit and vegetables, and all of the salads, are grown in-house. The home-made aloe vera yoghurt with fresh fruit is the only breakfast I’ve ever enjoyed that wasn’t a cup of tea and a Marlboro Light. And although all of my fellow guests were couples or families, I was blissfully happy on my own, and would have been even more so with my mother or a girlfriend. So pack the sunscreen and Jilly Coopers and go. I promise you’ll love it. And I’ve just found a new Happy Place.
Kuoni offers seven nights in a luxury pavilion at the Oberoi for the price of four, including flights with British Airways and transfers. From £1,610pp based on two sharing (01306 747008; kuoni.co.uk)
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BEST SPA BREAKS
Best eco spa
Six Senses Soneva Kiri, Thailand
Isolated, ecologically sustainable, and with everything from t’ai chi to Thai massage. From £3,929pp for 7 nights, including transfers and flights (carrier.co.uk).
Best boot camp
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The Ashram, California
This is where the A list go to purge their bodies. Survive a week here and you’ll survive anything. £2,640pp for 7 nights (theashram.com).
Best budget spa
Baltic Beach Hotel, Latvia
An ideal getaway, this five-star hotel is right on the seafront. Packages from £179pp for 2 nights, including transfers and 3 spa treatments (balticholidays.com).
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Best barefoot spa
COMO Shambhala Retreat, Parrot Cay
Japanese baths, an infinity pool and a great location – the ultimate in wellness luxury. From £3,240pp for 7 nights, 2 treatments and flights (blacktomato.co.uk).
Best city spa
Mandarin Oriental, New York
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Superb facilities and a view of Central Park – a truly glamorous respite. From £1,150pp for 3 nights, including flights (seasonsinstyle.com).