Two stories in today’s newspaper coincide with pleasing serendipity. In the first instance, we learn that scientists have established that our human ancestors were little more than ape-like idiots. In the second, T2 has established that male seduction techniques have changed little over 50 years. Bring these two articles together and one is confronted with the unhappy reality that male seduction techniques have, in fact, changed little over 1.8 million years and were the product of simian simpletons.
Of course, this will not be news to womankind, which has long been the object of Neanderthal advances. The repertoire will be familiar whether one’s venue is a cave or wine bar.
Gratuitous displays of physical prowess along the lines of repeatedly hitting one’s head against a blunt object, ideally one’s friend. The parading of intellectual abilities, not least the starting of fires and use of opposable thumbs. Bribing female simian simpletons with elaborate gifts such as designer leopard ware. In addition to general pummelling and dragging by the hair. As today, things invariably came down to a matter of drinking and clubbing.
Still, at least Stone Age woman was not subjected to the ploys of self-styled “new men” claiming to have put all that machismo stuff behind them. The “More than anything, I’d love to have your child” routine. The “Could you just hold me while I cry?” approach; or ploys involving kittens or the creation of chocolate mousse. Such open displays of weakness, even in the modern age, are hardly likely to inspire feminine admiration. Such men need to pull themselves together and have a nice cup of tea.