THE AUDIOBOOKS THAT are snatched fastest off the shelves are those that promise you the world if you get on your skates. Self-help audiobooks are effective because gurus are old hands at the lecture circuit and have charismatic and compelling voices.
But here’s the rub — most “inspirational” audiobooks are written and voiced by Americans. Whether it is the neurolinguistic programmer Tony Robbins trying to awaken my inner giant, Perricone rhapsodising about the “neuropeptides” to stop me ageing or Wayne Dyer hymning Incredible You, they are go-getting sons of the Star-Spangled Banner and I am a cynical old Brit. Even so, you may get hooked: I did end up improving myself by chanting Louise Hay’s 101 Power Thoughts (Hay Audio, CD, £7.99, offer £7.59) as I slammed into extreme ironing.
Luckily there is home-grown wisdom, too. The best-selling UK self-development audio title last year (according to Nielson BookScan), Glenn Harrold’s Complete Relaxation (Diviniti, CD, £11.95, offer £10.75) opens with a warning not to listen to it while driving. “So, sleep your way to stardom?” you scoff. But no: total relaxation is needed for you to find your way to the “infinite creative part of your mind”.
Hypnotic heartbeat-paced sound effects and music (a heavenly choir crooning “keep breathing, la la la”) lull you into a relaxed state (and, boy, do they work: I am a little vague about the central content of this CD) to encourage you to trust your intuition and spur your unconscious mind to “facilitate positive change”. If that sounds a tad transatlantic, at least Harrold’s voice is Middle English, neither toffee-nosed nor aggressively regional. Listen on headphones as the sound effects allegedly do cunning things to the left and right hemispheres of your brain. Diviniti also offer titles to help you lose weight and stop smoking: all perfect for the beach in August.
Safer to drive to are the “yea-yea” titles that bring you into a crowded lecture hall and encourage you to participate in all-buddies-together shoutbacks to the lecturer. Too often the voices of the extraordinarily self-satisfied life-gurus were bullying or cringe-making, and I didn’t last far beyond the second sycophantic storm of applause. But one stood out. Steve McDermott’s How to be a Complete and Utter Failure in Life, Work and Everything (Red Audio, CD, £14.99, offer £13.49) is stand-up com-edy that cleverly gets you onside: you know — and Steve knows — that you really need to do exactly the opposite of what he tells you. There are engaging anecdotes and asides. One that still makes me chuckle (and think) is the idea of rechristening my alarm clock an opportunity clock.
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Richard Templar, the author of The Rules of Work: The Definitive Code for Personal Success (Red Audio, CD, £14.99, offer £13.49), has a voice and message that sounds like his name, competent and moral, but also wryly humorous. The ten rules for success at work he offers are generous-spirited. “Talk to the people who know: the cleaners, receptionists, cashiers, the lift attendants and the drivers”, “never badmouth anyone behind their back”.
But there is also a shrewdly calculating side to the advice: walk the manager’s walk if you want to be a manager; always dress smartly; above all, have a plan and work your bottom off.
British accents have their drawbacks. In search of someone who didn’t insist that I had to work harder than anyone else in the office, I started listening to Deborah Tom’s Find the Balance: Essential Steps to Fulfilment in Your Work and Life (BBC, CD, £8.99, offer £8.54). But the combination of her twee vowels (hubbies, not hobbies) and waiting for her lisp to hit in on words like fwends, welaxation and enviwonment made it hard to take her seriously.
Re-record this with Juliet Stevenson reading, and I’d be eating out of her hand.
The breezy Aussie voices of Allan and Barbara Pease telling us Why Men Don’t Have a Clue & Women Always Need More Shoes (Orion, CDs, £12.99, offer £11.69) neatly bypass all my prejudices and tap instead into nostalgic childhood memories of Neighbours. I’m something of a Pease junky, even though this must be their fifth or sixth re-presentation of the gender divide (see also Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps ). But they have the knack of putting their finger on the tiny things that drive the sexes to distraction when they try to coexist.
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Then they backtrack into psychology and anthropology to explain the differences, Barbara voicing the gals’ point of view, Allan that of the guys. Perceptive and funny, this is one to put on in the car for both you and your nearest and dearest sparring partner to profit from.
To buy audiobooks at offer price with free p&p, call 0870 1608080 or visit timesonline.co.uk/booksfirst