SITUATION vacant. Cricket coach to teach some of the most talented individuals in the world how to play the game. The successful applicant would not allow players to leave the ground for a precautionary X-ray when the team is trying to save a Test match; he would inform the captain that when one man is missing there are still nine wickets to fall; and he would make sure that senior batsmen are not in the toilet when it is their turn to bat.
It is fairly basic stuff (bog standard, some would say) but the sheer ineptitude of West Indies left everyone wondering just how good England have become after they had completed a record-equalling seventh successive victory and made it 11 wins in 12 matches in the final npower Test on Saturday.
There are other pressing issues for West Indies, such as the attitude of Chris Gayle, who did not look as though he was too interested in saving the game once he had made a breathtaking century off 80 balls, the naivety of the younger batsmen and bowlers and, above all, the future of Brian Lara, who has now lost 23 of his 40 Tests as captain.
How he must envy Michael Vaughan, whose task was straightforward after Lara had been superbly caught low down at first slip off James Anderson in the day’s eighth over. Anderson also claimed Gayle and went on to finish with four for 52, which meant that every member of Vaughan’s side had made a significant contribution to the 4-0 whitewash.
England can now look forward confidently to the sterner test in South Africa and the supreme challenge against Australia next summer while West Indies must try to arrest an alarming decline that some of their greatest cricketers fear could be terminal.
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They plan to appoint a coach with responsibility for all cricketing matters, leaving the captain “to lead the team on the field and carry out the strategy and tactics as determined in collaboration with the coach”. Where that leaves Lara remains to be seen.