The perfect nanny arrives by umbrella-copter at the invitation of her charges, not their parents. She performs elaborate conjuring tricks, sings like an angel, teases children to sleep with counter-intuitive lullaby lyrics and, the moment said employer can no longer afford her, simply disappears.
Mary Poppins understood that, in an ideal world, parents would lead fulfilling lives outside the home while also raising their children in inspirational fashion. Her mission was to create that world in microcosm for the Banks family, then bow out gracefully.
Gordon Brown understands that in the less-than-ideal real world working parents can become so anxious about the quality of their children’s care that they will pay more than half their combined salary to secure the services of a nanny a good deal less perfect than Ms Poppins. After paying their own tax, the nanny’s tax, the nanny’s national insurance contributions and another £3,000 in employer’s national insurance contributions, parents in Central London are spending, on average, £43,850 a year on nannies.
Of this, barely £20,000 is the nanny’s to spend. The rest goes to the Exchequer, where the Chancellor is the only happy party to the transaction. For while £43,850 is an eyewatering sum for any parent, £20,000 a year is scant reward for sole-charge childcare.
The anticipated influx of Eastern European nannies is unlikely to ease parent pain. “New” nannies will quickly learn their market value. Needy employers can only hope that as Mr Brown’s own family expands he will heed the dictates of self-interest and give himself some nanny tax relief.