If someone had told me as a teenager what field I’d eventually work in, I’d have been shocked. I was a straight As girl at school and was later offered the opportunity to become a Cambridge professor. During my time at university my Christian faith began to affect my life in a powerful new way – I felt convicted to redirect my route from chasing academic success to seeking to make an impact on the world.
Working as a history teacher in my early twenties, I found myself trying to support a woman who had recently been raped. I was horrified to discover that the nearest support centre in Brighton refused to help her because she lived outside their area. I realised I couldn’t carry on living with my Christian faith, knowing that there was nothing in West Sussex for people like her. I believed she deserved justice. I made a decision then to change career, and set something up.
It has taken me years to realise it, but I now see that my decision was in part inspired by my German-Jewish ancestors. During WW2 most of my paternal family lived in Germany – a relative living in England tried to persuade them to move here, to safety. The majority of the group chose to stay. Eventually, they received papers calling them to Auschwitz. They gathered together and took cyanide rather than submitting.
I find myself deeply impacted by the stories of clients who have been systematically tortured and sadistically abused in ways that resonate with the horrors of Auschwitz. Sometimes I feel so angry at the mean, debased and depraved acts that so-called human beings can indulge in. My work is a personal response to the depravity the human race continues to sink to, redeeming my roots and living out my belief that hope and light will always conquer darkness.
When I opened Life Centre: SUST (Support for Unwanted Sexual Trauma) on completing my counselling and psychosexual therapy training in 2001, learning to deal with my emotions was a real struggle. Every week we see around 80 clients in the centre for counselling – men, women and children dealing with the aftermath of sexual abuse or rape. I used to get a lot more overwhelmed by what I listen to than I do now. I’ve learnt that the greater the trauma that you are hearing, the stronger your own psychological coping mechanisms need to be.
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An important facet of the work at Life Centre is our phone helpline – this is our fastest growing service. We initially expected the helpline to be used locally but 60 to 70 per cent of calls are now from national rate numbers. A team of 39 trained volunteers answer the phones.
We’re also piloting a scheme with Sussex Police to improve intelligence on perpetrators of sexual crimes. Only a tiny percentage of victims of rape and abuse report to the police, but with this system, a client can fill in a specially designed information sheet, confidentially providing invaluable details about the crimes suffered. We then pass on this information to the police on their behalf. As far as I know, we are the only rape crisis centre in the UK working with the police in this way. Our Criminal Justice system is dramatically failing the victims of sexual offences – I’m passionate to work with them to gradually bring change.
One of last year’s creative projects was to have a mural painted on Life Centre’s corridor wall. We chose images of butterflies as an expression of the work we aim to do here – I believe that all people are designed to be beautiful and free, despite our human fragility. Beside the butterflies are the words: ‘Just when the caterpillar thought the world was coming to an end, it became a butterfly.’ At Life Centre we resolutely hold out belief in life and hope, transformation and restored dignity.
My faith is what gets me through my work. I often think of Psalm 23, which says, ‘Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I fear no evil.’ Knowing that God is light gives me the ability to look evil in the eye and not be afraid; it gives me courage in the face of the horrors I hear. I have a deep conviction that God will look after us here – last year when we nearly ran out of money, it was a fight to keep going. For no apparent reason we were unsuccessful in our applications to the Government’s Victim Fund and the Lottery. Believing that God is in this made a real difference – this isn’t just a project.
The team around me at Life Centre is enormously important – together we have a strength that I don’t feel when I’m alone. Sometimes this work is profoundly lonely; you have to find ways to carry the loneliness in your heart. There are some things that no one else can process for you.
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The team also keep me grounded. I always live with fresh vision for what to grow next – but I’ve learnt when to keep the condom on my vision! The next thing for us is to open a branch of Life Centre in Brighton; we plan to run mixed gender adult survivor’s groups there for the first time. Survivors can come together, support each other and break the shame, isolation and secrecy of their experience.
One of our clients recently called to thank us for being there for her, describing the team as guardian angels reminding her to protect herself and not to submit to abuse; to value her body and believe she has the right to stay unhurt. It made me smile because I wear the perfume Angel, deliberately to remind myself that the purpose of my day is to be one of God’s angels wherever I can.
Interview by Lucinda van der Hart, editor of Faithworks magazine
Portrait by Jonathan Mark Johnson
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