Mrs Mills solves all your problems

PS, Birmingham

A: The problem with society today is that everyone is too keen on making cheap jokes about the church. We could do with a little more respect and less of this persistent bishop-bashing.

NAKED FEAR
Q: I’m off on holiday to Greece with my new girlfriend in a few weeks’ time and I was really looking forward to it. Trouble is, she has started talking about this lovely little nudist beach she knows. I’ve never gone naked in public before — and I don’t think I want to — but I’d hate her to think I’m a prude. How should I handle the situation?

DR, Gravesend

A: Take up the guitar. Thus you can legitimately walk about with a large object protecting your modesty. Of course, you won’t want to take it into the sea, so when the time comes for a swim, swap it for a surfboard. Stroll down to the water’s edge, suddenly remember that the Aegean is not renowned for its breakers, then abandon the board as you plunge in. Alternatively, you might bear in mind the remark of the 19th-century Cambridge don who went swimming naked in the Cam with a group of undergraduates. When drying off in the meadow, they were surprised by a boating party. The undergraduates hastily pulled towels around their waists, but the don calmly placed his towel over his head and stood there until the boats had passed, remarking: “I don’t know about you men, but around this town I am known by my face.”