UNWISE VIRGIN
I am 27 years old, and a virgin. Every time I get close enough to a guy to confide in him about my sexual situation, he runs away fast. Shall I make sure my first time is with someone I don't know well to get it over and done with, or wait for Mr Right?
VM, by e-mail
It's not your sexual state that is frightening men away, but your lack of inhibition. Why is it ever necessary to broadcast such information? Saying things like that just makes men think, "Oh, my god, an uninhibitedly honest woman, completely in touch with her feelings and not scared to talk about them. That's the last thing I need!" And then they leg it.
POOL RAGE
What do you do when you find yourself the faster of two swimmers in a lane at the public baths? I was brought up under the impression that it was only polite to allow the speedier swimmer to pass at lane ends, but I find that few others seem to share this view. I am left with the choice of swimming far too slowly behind the other or finding a means of overtaking, which is invariably very awkward. Should I overtake to the side (and risk kicking them as I pass, or, worse, colliding with a swimmer coming in the opposite direction), swim underneath (humiliating for the slowcoach), or cut my own length short, which denies me my kick-off?
LR, Leeds
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Screaming "Shark!" often makes people swim faster, but is subject to the law of diminishing returns and not always given credence in municipal swimming baths. Swimming underneath the dawdler is the most elegant solution, and the humiliation is the best part of it.
PARTY FEARS
I have been invited to an anti-Valentine's Day party by my sort-of ex-boyfriend, who slept with me, then said he didn't want to see me any more, claiming he didn't want to hurt me. We have never had an out-and-out row and are on good terms as friends. I may still be interested in him, but am not sure. He is no longer interested in me. The party will have an understated dress code, and I am not one to dress up without being told. Should I claim a prior engagement or go?
MY, London
You are undervaluing yourself. This man is an imbecile who deserves nothing but contempt. Have nothing further to do with him. (What on earth is an "understated dress code"? I can only think it means a little black dress and pearls. Try it: you might find it snags the attention of other, far nicer men.)
ANTIQUE CHEST
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My mother-in-law, who is approaching 70, has recently decided to "augment" her breasts with the aid of an obliging surgeon. Naturally, her close relatives are agog and concerned by this development. However, none of us has seen her since she had the procedure. We are all to meet up soon for a big family occasion. We are concerned as to the best etiquette to follow. Should we all ogle her chest and make appreciative noises, or does protocol dictate a studious and determined silence on such a matter?
AO, Wessex
"Well done. All that stretching seems to have smoothed out a few wrinkles as well."
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