Miss Congeniality
I am a distraught 25-year-old teacher at a prestigious private school in Kent. During a boozy night out clubbing on a visit home to Manchester at half term, I found myself on stage with two mates, with our breasts out.
To be honest, we’d done this a few times in our youth. After a couple of minutes, I was mortified to see a lad from the sixth form leering at me. I’ve since discovered that he is from Stockport.
Since returning to school, I’ve signed myself off with stress, but I can’t do this indefinitely — the lad has another year to go. I love the school and my job, but can’t think of an alternative to resigning. Any other ideas?
NE, Kent (and Manchester)
It is unlikely the boy will do much beyond telling all of his friends, but they will be unsure whether to believe him or not, as they will know only too well that the overheated imagination of a sweaty schoolboy usually has a tenuous connection to reality. Then, while your popularity soars, you should maintain a starchy demeanour to flummox the rumour-mongers. If it comes to the worst and the headmaster hears about it, you have a three-stage route to the end of term: 1) deny it; 2) concede that it’s possible it might have been your twin sister; 3) claim it is an essential part of your religion. I wouldn’t worry too much: these types of stories wash about schools all the time. They are either taken as the normal way of the world by the pupils (Mr B always bound miscreant first-year boys naked to the wall bars — we thought it was a school tradition) or are soon forgotten.
Polished performance
I have found I can achieve optimum results with my electric toothbrush in less than 30 seconds. Is this a record?
MM, Bristol
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While this might be fun, it’s not really doing your teeth much good.
Short-changed
Earlier today, I went into a small newsagent to buy some chocolate. I paid the woman with a £20 note. About 10 minutes later, as I was paying for something else in another shop, I realised she had short-changed me by £5. Would it be petty of me to go back and demand the rest of my change?
SP, Kent
I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get to your letter, which arrived three months ago. Go back to the shop now and demand the restoration of your £5, plus 12p in interest charges for the period. As a concession to the length of time that has passed, tell the woman you are prepared to accept payment in instalments, and that you will take chocolate in lieu of hard cash. If she makes trouble, tell her you will be handing the matter over to your solicitor. Shout: “I don’t care what it takes — it’s the principle of the thing!”
Send problems to: Mrs Mills, The Sunday Times, 3 Thomas More Square, London E98 1ST, or mrs.mills@sunday-times.co.uk. No correspondence can be entered into