Annoying child
My precocious six-year-old daughter has decided Santa doesn’t exist. I am worried she will spoil the magic for her younger brother. How can I get her to shut up?
KS, Coventry
Just tell her that unless she buttons it, she won’t get any presents.
Mouthful of dust
Every other year we have to go to my in-laws for Christmas dinner, and it is always horribly overcooked, dry turkey. It’s like chewing a compound of dust and wood shavings. I really cannot face it again, but I can’t get out of it. Any ideas?
DG, Carlisle
No one can cook turkey, so I always carry some succulent slices of pheasant breast wrapped in polythene in my handbag for just these emergencies. Distracting the attention of the host, I quickly swap the meat, hiding the turkey back in my bag.
Festive cheer
My uncle likes to bait his nieces with anti-feminist diatribes over the Christmas dinner table. My grandma (his mother) gets upset, especially if we argue back. How do we get at him without disturbing the peace?
BC, London
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As soon as he starts, all nieces should stare at him in unsettling silence. After dinner, slip upstairs and fill his jacket pockets with the turkey you hid earlier — pick the ones that he rarely wears.
Top tipple
What exactly is advocaat?
TR, by email
Cold custard fortified with alcohol. Dutch people have it on their cornflakes after a night out in an Amsterdam coffee shop.
Keeping the peace
My mother has become highly opinionated and offends everyone by the end of Christmas Day. We can’t not invite her, so how do we shut her up?
DG, Surrey
A dash of brandy in her sherry before lunch, a dash of brandy in her wine with lunch and a dash of brandy in her brandy after lunch. If she stays awake for the Queen’s speech, I’ll be amazed. This has the added benefit of ensuring that she will be quiet on Boxing Day, too, because of her pounding headache.
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Invest for future
My mum has already started going on about writing thank-you letters for my presents and says texting won’t be enough. Do I really have to do them?
JB, Oxford
Only if you want presents next year as well.
Follow Mrs Mills on Twitter at @MrsMillsST. Send problems to: Mrs Mills, The Sunday Times, 1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF, or mrs.mills@sunday-times.co.uk. No correspondence can be entered into