Edged out
Last month I came home unexpectedly early from the office only to walk into a scene from a farce: my wife was in bed with the chap from over the road. However, none of us managed to laugh about it and she moved in with him last week. I’ve just realised he has also got my long-handled edging shears, which he borrowed a while ago and has never returned. I’m worried that if I go over and ask for them, I’ll look a bit pathetic, but on the other hand he’s probably having a laugh thinking he’s got my wife and my shears. Should I demand them back (the shears, that is — I think my wife is a lost cause), or just let it go?
DG, Peterborough
Buy yourself a new pair of Bosmere Haws Edging Shears (they’re really expensive) and make sure they see you edging your front lawn with insouciant élan. That’ll show them.
Creeping things
I have met a new man and it’s all going well, except that he is very keen on his “little place in the country”, a tiny cottage in the woods in Hampshire. I can see that it is idyllic, but, my God, the insects, the spiders, the mice … There’s always something wriggling that needs removing and I can’t bear to touch them, so end up yelling for him to do something (he’s happy to oblige). Aren’t there cures for this phobia these days?
CL, London
Apparently, immersion therapy, in which you are exposed to the thing you hate, does work — but frankly, why bother? I’m not ashamed of my fear of insects because, let’s face it, they are loathsome. All creatures smaller than cats are disgusting and liable to make unexpected movements. Let him deal with the creepy-crawlies.
Dunnumberin
We live at number 23 in a very pleasant, tree-lined road of detached houses. Just having a number doesn’t seem fair — the house should have a name. How do I go about this?
FJJ, Edgbaston
Advertisement
In general, you can call your house whatever you like — although not officially. Your problem is getting anyone to take any notice. You can stick up signs all you like, but everyone is still going to see your house as the one between 21 and 25 and therefore they will know it as 23. If you start using only the newly chosen house name for correspondence, you risk all your post going missing. It is never easy trying to achieve a balance between social pretension and practical considerations.
Tall story
I am 5ft 10in tall. I wish I was a six-footer. It seems terrible to be so average and undistinguished. Do those operations to stretch your legs work?
GL, Reading
Get over yourself. There’s nothing wrong with your height, and those leg-stretching operations are dangerous and don’t really work. If you are really so bothered about being “average”, emigrate to Indonesia, where the average height is 5ft 2in.
The way we live now
Holiday reading
Those of us who read all the time pack light stuff and thrillers for the beach or poolside. Non-readers say they have been “saving” the talked-about titles for when they’ve “got the time”, so they’ll take Yuval Noah Harari’s history of humankind, Sapiens, or the latest Will Self novel. These will come home, their covers spattered with sun lotion but otherwise unopened, and their owners will wonder how they managed to spend a fortnight by the pool reading Grazia.
Advertisement
Follow Mrs Mills on Twitter at @MrsMillsST. Send problems to: Mrs Mills, The Sunday Times, 1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF, or mrs.mills@sunday-times.co.uk. No correspondence can be entered into