Style’s glamorous advice guru solves all your problems, including how not to look matchy-matchy with your husband (especially if he’s in Pucci).
Male brain at work
I spent a week of the Easter break staying with a friend from university at his parents’ house in the country. It became increasingly obvious to me as the week went by that his mother fancies me. (She commented on how I looked “so much fitter” than her son and that he should follow my example. She also said she envied my hair — “so thick and wavy”. And when I was about to leave, she said she hoped I would come and stay again in the summer.) She is, of course, much older than me, but she looks amazing — she works out every day and looks a lot like Emmanuel Macron’s wife. I don’t think I’d be up for marrying her like he did, but an affair would be OK. What would be the best way to pursue this, and do you think I should tell my friend, or would it be best to keep him in the dark?
IL, York
Do nothing and say nothing. Put this letter in a safe place for the next 10 years, then take a series of cold showers. Do not go and stay with your friend in the summer and do not contact this woman again. In 2027 you will realise that I have saved you from what would have proved one of the most cripplingly embarrassing moments of your life.
Bath time
At a recent dinner party for four couples, I posed the question: “Have you ever used the bathwater your husband has just vacated?” To which the responses were unanimous: “No!”, “Omigod!”, “Yeeeuck!”, “Never!” It turned out that every man present had bathed in his wife’s bathwater often. I am baffled by the female psyche. Can you enlighten me?
TA, Hythe
A woman getting into a bath will already be perfectly clean. With a man, this will never be the case.
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Bless you
When eating out, I cannot help noticing diners — usually ladies — using their paper napkins as handkerchiefs, then placing them on the plate they have just eaten off for the waiting staff to collect. Surprisingly, some are friends who I think should know better. What do I do — ignore it, tell the waiter, or say something to the offender?
MH, Worcs
You are being overdelicate. Waiters are used to dealing with plates of half-eaten food, so a slightly damp napkin is not going to offend them. It’s not as if they have to touch it as they will scrape it straight into a bin.
Future flowering
My wife generally looks after the front garden and drive, and now that spring has faded away, it definitely needs a cleanout. The snowdrop foliage withered long since, the daffodils have pretty much gone the same way and the bluebells are following. The usual advice is to let them fall away naturally. I’ve advised her to be bold and cut the lot off, ready for summer, but she’s not sure. How do we proceed, particularly for when we are here again next year?
DT, Cumbria
Cutting everything back to stubble might look neater in the short term, but letting everything die back naturally will result in a bigger spread the following year.
The way we live now
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Clothes moths
Everybody is complaining about another huge rise in the clothes-moth population, as they dig out items for the changing season from the back of the wardrobe only to find they have been chewed to tatters. This is just nature’s way of telling you that you have too many clothes, so use them or lose them. Don’t keep that Stella McCartney knit for special occasions only; wear it for the weekly shop. Don’t consign that McQueen jacket to months on a hanger; wear it down the pub. Let the moths starve in a better-dressed Britain.
Follow Mrs Mills on Twitter at @MrsMillsST. Send problems to: Mrs Mills, The Sunday Times, 1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF, or mrs.mills@sunday-times.co.uk. No correspondence can be entered into.