How do I stop my rowdy small son bullying and rampaging at the swimming pool?
AnonyMs, Waterland
The attendants at a municipal pool are there to stop bombing and other kinds of water-bullying. They may prove more effective than a parent. It is unkind to let a child frighten others in the water. As with other bad behaviour by our beloved children, we try to educate them into behaving better by kindness, patience, explanation and, if necessary, taking them out of the water to sit and think about themselves and the long lessons of life.
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An elderly couple have moved into a small block of private flats. A very strong smell is emanating from their flat, making the communal landing very unpleasant. It is beginning to cause comments from visitors. How do the other residents tackle this?
John Watts,
Burton-on-Trent, Staffs
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A matter for the porter/ caretaker/landlord? Or you could raise the matter by indirections and in a friendly way? Or invest in a strong deodorant? Blame the cat? Or a combination and permutation of all four. Something must be done. But we must not wound or offend the pride of our new neighbours. Good neighbours matter more than good smells.
When I have been asked a question that I don’t want to answer, is there a polite way of saying, in a professional context, “That’s none of your business”?
Michael Hawker, London SE1
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“I don’t know.” “I am not sure that I can answer that.” “Oh, come on, old dear. You know that these things are hush-hush on a need-to-know basis only.” “I haven’t the foggiest.” “I am really not sure.” “God and the CEO know. And neither of them is telling.” “There’s a question — but where’s the answer?” “Them upstairs in the mahogany corridor want this kept secret.” I am not happy with any of these. I suppose that I should just mumble, procrastinate and prevaricate in an English way.
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Our small group of Greek and expat friends enjoy hosting brunches and dinners, but how can we handle a most mild-mannered soul who frequently takes cellphone calls from the UK during these pleasant gatherings and twitters on for considerable time on matters most inconsequential?
E. Baker, Ermoupolis, Greece
It is, of course, rank bad manners to interrupt such social occasions with your cellphone, except in extremely rare circumstances, eg, you are a brain surgeon on call or a detective on duty. But simple-minded souls cannot bear to be separated from their comfort toy. The grown-ups among us must try not to be irritated by their silly chat and childish ringtones. We could make a witty remark when they eventually put down their phone. We could put up a joky notice (as in the theatre) about switching off one’s mobile before brunch. We could have a quiet word with the mild-mannered phone-nutter. But good manners consist in putting up with the bad manners of one’s friends with a tolerant smile.
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My husband has had my late father’s Second World War medals shined and mounted. He says that I should wear them in his honour at the Remembrance Day parade and service. I feel that I should not.
Jacqueline Wray,
Lowestoft, Suffolk
I have known widows to wear their husband’s medals on such occasions. I should have thought that to wear your father’s medals shows love and pride but taken to extremes, descendants might become Christmas trees, weighed down with gongs from the Crimea and Fontenoy. To make assurance doubly sure, ask the Lowestoft branch of the British Legion.