What is the polite way to split a bill after dinner out?
J. B. B., Ealing
Depends on the company, the occasion, the dinner and as many other factors and parameters as simultaneous quadratic equations. But if the meal is agreed to be a Dutch outing, arrange for a chancellor to handle the finances before you sit down. He/she should be in charge. No faffing around with purses and cards when the bill arrives. Argument on the lines of, “But I didn’t have any pudding”, or “I had no wine, so I should pay less”, are both vulgar and Charlie. Fair shares of the bill all round. A symposium is a meal for friends not a competition in accountancy. But if one of you clearly earns more than the others (ie, an adult in work dining with students), she or he should modestly offer to pay the lioness’s share. If you are taking out your loved one, you should and will pay the lot. Of course.
How does one decide whether to eat rind of cheese? Any rules?
Joyce Hawkin, Fastidious
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Ville I think that the rind is the best part. Especially in Camembert and Brie. If there was something harmful in it, the chef or host(ess) should not have put it on your plate. But not everybody is as coarse an eater as I am. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to remove the rind with knife and fork. Chaqu’un à son croûte. What to eat is a matter of taste, not rules. As a generation we are neurotically faddy. Think of the starving children in Basra, I say. And be grateful for small rinds.
I am becoming more and more irritated when people intersperse chat with the expression “You know!” Many of my friends utter this phrase a lot. I incline to tell them that the habit is annoying. Should I enlighten them?
AnonyMoses, Bury St Edmunds
“You know!” is a battered ornament and a hackneyed phrase. Only philosophers can say precisely what they want to say, without hesitation, repetition or deviation. The rest of us have to pad out our discourse with cotton-wool phrases while we work out what to say next. Do not be irritated by “You know!” Let it pass. Do not correct your friends. It will just get you a reputation as a pedant and a grouch.
Is it good manners to use Latin phrases without a translation when addressing people who have forgotten their Latin, or who never knew any? Or am I the only ignorant Times reader?
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Philippa Russell, Birmingham
Peccavi. “I have sinned.” Some Latin has become naturalised English – ie and eg, id est and exempli gratia. Some Latin is more economical than its English translation, eg mutatis mutandis. “Having made those changes made necessary by previous changes.” And some Latin that used to be the common knowledge of every schoolchild has faded in the common memory. It is rude to puzzle readers with esoteric language. But those of us who recognise that Latin is a priceless treasure might want to open windows on to the treasure house. To be irritated is annoying. To be stretched is good for us.
I would like to know if I could attend a royal garden party at Buckingham Palace, in a light-tan linen suit? The party is celebrating 100 years of the Caravan Club.
Tim Wilkes, Elsewhere
Yes, you will be OK in a light-tan linen suit for Caravan Club at Buck House. I dare say that the more formal male caravanners will kit out in morning dress. But it is not obligatory. Take care with beautiful tie and polished shoes. You should honour your hostess by dressing as smartly as you can, as she is honouring you by inviting you.
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READERS REPLY
Angela Miffed, from Tunbridge Wells, asks for the correct response to a neighbour who deliberately snubs her in the high street.
Do not let your neighbour disturb the even tenor of your day. She may be deaf. She may be shortsighted. She may be in a tizz about something we know nothing about. She may be unhappy. Continue to be a cheerful and outgoing neighbour.
PH
Janie Street, Fleet, Hants: “Try lightly touching the neighbour’s arm when greeting her. It is just possible that the neighbour is hard of hearing.”
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Max Lewis, Tunbridge Wells: “Whenever you see your neighbour greet her effusively. Neighbours need to be taught neighbourly manners.”
Cally AnonyMoses, Newcastle upon Tyne: “Just say to her, ‘Excuse me, but have I offended you in any way?’ and see what response she gets.”
Lyndall Barbour, Warminster: “Politely and self-effacingly desist from greeting your sulky neighbour.”
David Agress, Newport Beach, California: “Don’t take it to heart. The snubbing may not be personal.”
Readers are invited to send their responses to this week’s question by July 21. A selection will be printed in a fortnight.
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I found a £5 note on the road while out with my four-year-old and I want to set the right example. Should I take it to the police or give it to charity?
Lindsey Honan , Nowheresbury
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