At a family Sunday lunch recently, I was faced with a delicious bowl of soup as a starter. The bowl had two handles so I picked it up twixt thumb and forefinger and commenced to sup. My small grandson, whose table manners are almost non-existent, exclaimed with great glee: “Oh look at Grandad, Mummy!” I would never dream of doing this on a formal occasion, but surely at a family-only lunch it was quite harmless?
Desmond Hobbs, Scottish Borders
There is a certain amount of prim “etiket” about the correct way to sup soup. Such as tipping the soup bowl away from you in order to scoop up the dregs. The only “rule” that matters is to drink your soup tidily, without slurping or splashing your neighbours. I do not understand why they manufacture soup bowls with handles if the handles are for ornament only. I reckon that you souped perfectly decently.
What does “smart casual” actually mean? Does this mean that jacket and tie are over the top? Are jeans and sports shoes acceptable?
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Joe Simpson, Wellingborough
We live in a free and easy age. Anything goes. What to wear depends on variables such as the contents of your wardrobe and the prejudices of your employer. I should consult colleagues. I take smart casual to imply a tie. Jeans and sports shoes are OK for the younger man, but ill-advised on those of maturer years. When in doubt, I prefer to accentuate the smart rather than the casual. We offend fewer and less powerful colleagues by overdressing rather than letting it all hang out.
Is it unacceptable for me to breast-feed my baby in public? I am a firm believer in breast-feeding but recently received a few black looks when I fed my daughter at a table in a restaurant. What is your opinion?
Dee Williams, Nottingham
It doesn’t bother me. And I have never breast-fed in public myself. But I have often been present at public breast-feedings without paying much attention. It is a natural and wholesome activity. But there are Britons who are offended. We are a hung-up people about sex and other bodily functions, especially female ones. So it is bad manners to offend them. Not extreme bad manners. If possible, I should retire to a private room or behind the potted plant. But, of course, hungry baby trumps etiquette every time.
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My sister-in-law came to stay with us a week ago. We were shocked, however, when her two young teenage sons appeared for breakfast with very few clothes on (T-shirts and boxer shorts). Should I have asked them to dress more appropriately?
C. J. M, Uckfield
I doubt it, unless you wish to get into a public dispute with your sister-in-law. And humiliate her in front of her boys. You could, I suppose, have told her privately after breakfast that you would prefer the boys to turn up for meals properly dressed in your house. But that sounds pretty stuffy to me. I should have put up with the different manners of your nephews with a smile. But I think that nephews matter more than vestimentary prejudices.
I had an acrimonious split with my former fiancée. I formed very good relationships with her family and friends, and would like to continue them, but it seems almost impossible to do this. Any advice?
Name and address withheld
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All that you can do is maintain the links with friends that you made through your engagement as well as you can, through the remote media of Christmas and birthday cards. It doesn’t sound prudent to do so in the presence of your Ex. But unless you have formed solid friendships with your Ex’s circle over the years, you may have to let them fade into the background. And find new friends and lovers. March forward not back.
How should one sneeze in public? I sit near someone at work who doesn’t attempt to cover their sneezes. Is this not both rude and unhygienic?
Fiona Forrester, London
Yes. One should muffle one’s coughs and sneezes. But this may not always be possible for sufferers of hay fever or asthma. The sneeze takes them without warning. On such occasions, the polite neighbour may exclaim: “Bless you!” And, if possible, move farther away from the undisciplined sneezer.
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Philip Howard answers your etiquette questions online at noon on Monday