NEIGHBOURS with whom we are not that friendly have invited us to a silver wedding party. In lieu of presents, a donation of £25 to a named charity will be collected on the night. We have already given a present and do not feel well disposed towards this charity. Is the couple’s request reasonable? Should we plead another engagement, or attend and refuse to contribute?
You’ve been caught up in the new wave of wedding and anniversary parties that have taken their cue from Bob Geldof. Instead of giving presents, guests will soon just text a special number sent to them by their hosts, charged at £5 a text message, and the money raised will go to the bride and groom or a charity nominated by the party-givers.
A bonus of this procedure is that it avoids the bickering over how to keep the guest list to a manageable size, because you can invite a million people, providing you make it clear to them that even if they all text you, you’ll be doling out only 60 pairs of tickets to your party. The rest is profit, or charity, depending on how you’re planning to carve up the spoils.
Demanding that your guests contribute a pre-set sum to a charity of your choice comes across as sanctimonious, tactless and presumptuous. Your hosts are entitled to state that they don’t want presents — because, having been married for 25 years, they have all the pasta-makers they need — but that any friends who feel they’d like to give something can make a donation to charity. And friends who can’t decide on which charity would be welcome to donate to charity X, which is close to the hearts of the celebrating couple. Pressing it any further is pushy. As is asking everyone to march on Edinburgh after the party. Yes, way too pushy.
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