MY CLOSE friend of 30 years has started wearing a new perfume that smells exactly like a cheap bathroom air freshener, which I know it certainly is not. My sensitive nose finds this intolerable close at hand. What is the solution?
Another person’s odour sends off powerful signals about them, but as human beings we don’t necessarily know how to read all these signals, on account of our being blessed — when such things as intelligence, senses, etc, were being handed out — with big, well-developed brains.
Dogs, on the other hand, don’t have big brains. Instead, they have a powerful sense of smell, which keeps them informed of all that they need to know about the world around them: it’s the canine world’s primitive version of Western Union. This is why dogs are always sniffing things to discover more about their surroundings.
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If Christopher Columbus had been a dog he’d have made his decision on whether or not to discover America only after sniffing it exhaustively to identify what kind of odour it was giving off. Then he would have weed over it.
Although most human smells don’t send out the same instinctive animal signals as dog smells do, they nonetheless send out other coded messages: for instance, your taste in perfume.
What is distressing you is that a friend of 30 years’ standing could prove to have such trashy taste in cologne. As a friend, you should be sensitive and forgiving. Maybe she herself is being sensitive and is wearing the new scent because it was given to her by her husband and she doesn’t wish to hurt his feelings. If so, you could trump his scent gift by buying your friend some Chanel or Guerlain, which she will then feel obliged to wear when in your company.
FACING A DILEMMA?
Have you dilemmas of your own? Write to: Modern Morals, Times Features, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1TT. E-mail: modernmorals@thetimes.co.uk