I work with two people whom I consider friends. One is having a birthday party to which I, but not my other friend (who can be loud and attention-seeking), have been invited. I have been asked not to mention the party. I want to go to the party, but feel bad about the deceit, and fear any repercussions should my uninvited friend find out. Should I attend?
Of course, when you put it like that, it sounds very petty-minded, doesn’t it? But try replacing your name and those of your friends in this office drama with the names “Tony Blair”, “Gordon Brown” and “John Prescott”. You see? The dilemmas you face are little different from those that are a routine part of the everyday backroom scheming that shapes Westminster politics and the governance of our country. No, hang on a second — it’s still petty-minded!
So maybe you should resolve your dilemma in the same way as our elected leaders in Parliament might resolve it. On the other hand, if lying shamelessly to someone’s face, stabbing old friends and colleagues behind their backs, and saying one thing while doing another makes you feel uncomfortable, then try this other favourite Downing Street ruse.
Send up a trial balloon — “What if X were having a party and hadn’t invited you, but had invited me, and I actually went . . . ” — and gauge the reaction. If your loud friend blows her top, you can do what any government minister would do in these circumstances and deny that there was any possibility of X ever holding a party and inviting only you. Your loud friend might find your subsequent denials hard to swallow.
Then again, if she’s ever heard Hazel Blears or Ruth Kelly shamelessly backtracking on a policy, she’ll be used to it by now.
Advertisement
FACING A DILEMMA
Have you got a dilemma of your own?
Write to Modern Morals, Times features, 1 Pennington Street, London, E98 1TT. E-mail: modernmorals@thetimes.co.uk