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Modern morals

I AM A school librarian. The first thing I do on getting to work at 8am is to find T2 and look at Modern Morals. Children wishing to borrow books have to wait while I do this. I could get to work earlier, but then the children will come into the library earlier. I don’t want to wait until my lunch break. Can I justify reading Modern Morals and making the children wait?

You are asking if it is morally justifiable for you to read a newspaper column which explores moral dilemmas if doing so results in your keeping waiting children eager to borrow books from the school library where you work?

And with particular reference to the situation you find yourself in today, is it morally justifiable for you to keep these book-hungry children waiting while you read a newspaper column that is exploring the moral dilemma of whether it is morally justifiable to keep those book-hungry children waiting while you read a newspaper column which explores moral dilemmas?

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Your moral duty (and your paid duty, come to that) is to attend to the children’s reading needs first. Alternatively, draw them in to your obsession by asking how they’d resolve that day’s moral dilemma (something along the lines of: “Look at what that moron has written now! Surely even you, Whipsnod, could think of a smarter answer than the one he’s come up with?”).

Your dilemma is that you couldn’t introduce this new regime today, since that would mean having to show the children this column, thereby revealing how you have been mistreating them.

Alternatively, you could get The Times delivered at home and read it on your way to work. Until then, I’m afraid I have no option but to ban you from reading this column before lunchtime.

FACING A DILEMMA?

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Have you dilemmas of your own? Write to: Modern Morals, Times Features, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1TT. E-mail: modernmorals@thetimes.co.uk