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Modern morals

Before Christmas I was woken at 5.30am by a van entering the grounds of my church. I looked out to see white van man having sex with his co-driver, white van woman. It happened again last week. When I said to my parish administrator: “Well, they’re not hurting anyone”, she replied: “They may be”, implying a possible affair. Should I leave them to it, or take the van’s number and report it?

To whom would you report the incident, vicar? To your “boss” upstairs, as a possible transgression against His commandment not to commit adultery? To the police, for trespassing on church property – or in the hope that they will have a quiet word with the pair before a marriage or two is wrecked?

Frankly, you can’t help feeling that if they are willing to have sex on the front seats of a van at 5.30 on a freezing morning, they are probably not the sort of people to be diverted by mild reprimands. You wouldn’t choose such uncomfortable circumstances for your tryst unless you had exhausted all other rendezvous possibilities.

Even if Moses himself were to tap on the driver’s side-window and point to the place on his stone tablets where it says “Thou shalt not commit adultery”, it’s hard to imagine that the couple would break off from their exertions (sorry Mo, but can’t you see we’re busy?).

We look to spiritual leaders for guidance when we seek their advice. But we no longer expect them to interfere if our transgressions don’t involve crimes such as, say, theft or murder. Especially if you cannot be sure that they are even committing adultery.

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They might just be two people with nowhere else to go. Pursue them for trespass, if you wish, but surely not for moral waywardness.

What’s your view and do you have a dilemma of your own?

E-mail: modernmorals@thetimes.co.uk
Write to Modern Morals, times2, 1 Pennington Street, London E98 1TT