Mine's a manny

His domestic skills are short of what you’d expect; his cooking is not very imaginative and he’s not so good at cleaning. But he’s skilled in terms of relating to the boys. He’s also an aggressive driver — the boys will probably become hideous boy racers. However, he’s good at maintenance around the house, which none of our female nannies has been, and that teaches the boys important skills. From a security point of view, I feel better with a man around.

With female nannies, you always feel that they are bitching to their friends and are quite temperamental. Jaro doesn’t suffer from mood swings. He’s completely straightforward. A man is easier to handle, easier to instruct — and there are no issues with female rivalry.

Jaro says I love my job. Where I work is like a second home, and it feels like I’m having a second teenagehood — who doesn’t love playing computer games? I like communicating with people: just being is my living.

I’ve been a manny since 2000. Most of my friends from Slovakia have been nannies, it’s a natural way to start life here. You learn so much more being with a family — language, culture — than living with five foreigners in a flat.

Originally, I wanted to be a musician, so I try to teach the boys a few tunes on the piano and guitar. I feel pressured to move them in the right direction. When you’re dealing with teenagers, you are seeing them through a very important period. I’m trying to encourage calmness where they create chaos. They’re hard physically, and arguments quickly brew if things don’t go according to plan. I try to help them deal with their emotions, but the boys don’t confide in me. If you asked me if they had any problems, I’d say no. It’s hard with teenagers, because they’re trying so hard to be cool and not show their emotions. You can’t say, “Is there something you want to talk to me about?” But I try to make them understand that I am open to this stuff.

They obviously love their father very much. They don’t see him a lot, but he’s a role model to them. I don’t see him often, but he gives the impression of being very confident.

As they have a nanny, I think they see less of their friends. When I was their age, I hung around girls a lot more. The boys definitely don’t need more female influence, though. They need to be more mannish and tough. They’re not girlie, but sometimes they get wound up over silly things, and we say to each other “You’re such a girl”, like it’s the worst thing you can be.

He doesn't let her cross the line

Jackie Pennell, a university lecturer, first took Mark on two years ago, when Isla was four months old

Jackie says I must admit, when Mark’s name came up, I thought, “Oh, a male child-minder”. It was a stereotypical response, but that was the only moment. Mark knows Isla very well — apart from her father and me, he’s the other person bringing her up. Mark is connected emotionally with her, but he has also given her a lot of physical confidence. She’s definitely picked things up from him — she’s very assertive, very instructional.

His approach to childcare is based on Steiner, so it’s child-generated learning through creativity and play. His toys are not feminine — they are solid lumps of wood and resin. Nothing is frilly or fancy, and Isla always comes back filthy. I don’t think my little girl is turning into a boy, though; I like the fact that she likes building things with blocks, or playing football and hammering things. She has become interested in girlie things without me or Mark generating it — nature comes through over nurture. But Mark is not an entirely male influence; he plays the guitar and sings with her, and they bake bread and wash up.

Mark completely subverts the male stereotype. He’s big and blokey, with tattoos, but he’s neither a bloke-type person nor quiet and shy. He doesn’t get emotionally wound up. He’s in charge and calm about it. He is cuddly, but he doesn’t let Isla cross the line. When he pulls her up on something, she gets upset that she’s done something wrong. With me, she’ll either give me hell or just laugh.

I like Mark because I can be businesslike with him. He is not shy about telling me if he thinks I should be doing something differently, and is very knowledgeable. I take his advice seriously.

I think Isla’s father really appreciates the male presence — he can talk to Mark about things such as potty-training, which I think he’d be embarrassed to talk about with women. And he enjoys the fact that Isla has another male role model. He likes it that she plays football — anything that promotes masculinity is good for the male ego.

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Mark says Isla is an emotional girl and I’m trying to help her get through that. If she falls over, it’s “Up you get” straightaway. A female nanny would go “Oh, are you okay?,” then Isla would start crying. If she cries my way, then I know that she’s really hurt. I’ve never felt flustered if a child cries all day — most women can’t handle it. I do get upset, but I don’t get emotional.

I’ve always been in touch with my female side. I often know what girlfriends have been thinking. They’d always say to me, “How do you know that?” I got into childcare after I became a house husband to my own two kids. Soon, I had all their friends coming round to ours — I was a kid magnet. Then I took a diploma in childhood studies and every placement I did offered me a job. To this day, I don’t know what it is about me.

There’s been a sea change in terms of men in childcare. When I was a house husband, men weren’t catered for and I had to go into the women’s toilets to change my daughter. Now I get five calls a day, and everyone knows before they call that I’m a guy. I’ve never been teased, but then I wouldn’t put up with much teasing.

Isla’s going through a phase of trying to push the boundaries at the moment. I have set boundaries, so we are having little battles. Sometimes you’ll have to say the same thing 50 times, and say it without getting frustrated. But every day, Isla gets a hug, and she loves stroking my hair and sucking her thumb.

I have a good relationship with the parents, but it’s professional, and not as friends. Jackie often calls me up, and we have long chats about tactics. I stayed at home with my kids for five years, so I have that experience.

It seemed a good idea to get someone active

Jane Evans, director of corporate finance at KPMG, had been looking for the right nanny for Max, 4, since last August. Then she met Janos

Jane says I wasn’t looking for a male nanny, but when Janos applied, it seemed a good idea to get someone active. I put my feelers out, and a friend of mine said her male nanny was fantastic, and that she’d never go back. My husband thought it might be weird being seen in his underwear by the male nanny, but Janos has his own floor, so we’re not bumping into each other all the time.

Max’s father works long hours, but I don’t think he feels threatened because their different roles became rapidly clear — there are certain things that Janos and I are no good at, such as plumbing and mechanics. Janos is not a substitute father, but the older-brother figure. He’s really protective of Max. You can tell he really loves him.

Max likes Janos because he can direct his anger at him and Janos can take it. He gets cuddles, but he also gets rough-and-tumble. They play spaceships, Doctor Who, tennis and football together, and Janos is a Rolling Stones fan, so Max has developed a really good dance routine to their music. They have quite a competitive relationship — there’s definitely an element of each of them wanting to be the winner.

I think there’s more order with a male nanny. Max can’t wrap him round his little finger like he does with me and did with the last (female) nanny — men are not so prone to emotion. Female nannies are more into coffee mornings, which I don’t think are so good for active four-year-olds. A lot of my friends thought it was weird to have a manny; some thought he must be gay. But a few said they’d heard they were the best thing since sliced bread. And they are.

Janos says I’m from Budapest, and I did a course in child-minding there as I knew it would offer me the opportunity to get jobs abroad. At the time, I’d never even baby-sat. Childcare sounded fun, and I knew I wanted to travel. Once I started, I realised I wanted to know more about children and child psychology, not least because I thought it would be useful for being a father. My friends and family didn’t understand why — it’s not the normal thing for a young man to do — but they got used to it.

People still think of male child-minders as weirdos. There is a lot of distrust and many extra checks are made on us, especially with live-ins — Michael Jackson really didn’t help our cause. And the husband can take issue, but if he’s worried about his wife running off with the manny, then there’s something wrong with the marriage in the first place. It’s an occupational hazard that mothers hit on you — I’ve had two offers, and it’s not a comfortable situation — but the same thing can happen to female nannies.

I have a good relationship with Chris, Max’s father. I wouldn’t slap him on the shoulder and say “Well done, mate”, but it’s extremely rare that we don’t understand each other. With other fathers, I take them down the pub because the wife can’t say no to me.

I’m straight with Max. There are a few things he must learn: to say thank you, to wash his hands, to wipe his own bottom, be polite. We do the washing together — it’s his stuff too, so he’s go to do it. My fiancée thinks it’s too early, but I don’t want him to be lazy. I don’t think girls have that kind of connection with boys. Female au pairs are fragile and prone to spoiling the children. If Max feels sick, I could hug him all day, but on a daily basis, I don’t believe in spoiling. I don’t think I’m better than women, but there are certain circumstances where a man is definitely more useful.