Of the many things that makes the Masters unique among the four major championships, nothing makes it more different than it being the exclusive property of a private members’ club. They make the rules, and all those lucky patrons holding badges (the Augusta committee having decreed that calling them spectators and tickets sounds too vulgar) will get a sharp reminder this week that there are plenty of them.
It takes almost as long to read the “prohibited items” sign outside the entrance gates as it does Bernhard Langer to play a hole. “Alcoholic beverages, audible beepers, beverage containers, coolers, cellular phones, flags, banners, signs, folding armchairs, ladders, periscopes, radios, TVs, rigid chairs, strollers, stools, and (this being America) firearms” are not allowed on the premises, and if you do make it inside, woe betide you if you shout “go in the hole!” or “you the man!”. In a considerably shorter time than Bernhard requires to select a club, you will be a badge-less former patron.
The rules are no less strict up in the television box, and the host broadcaster CBS has twice been obliged to fire commentators under the threat of losing their contract. On the first occasion Jack Whitaker was shown the door after describing the patrons as a “mob”, and on the second, Gary McCord got the elbow for joking that the greens must have been prepared with “bikini wax”.
So if you think the players are under pressure at Augusta this week, spare a thought for the likes of Ewen Murray and Bruce Critchley behind the microphone. After 24 years of BBC-only coverage, Sky will be making its Masters’ debut (exclusively on the first two days) and the Greenjackets on the committee will be keeping a close eye on the new boys to make sure they don’t cause offence by, for example, reporting that Woods has sliced his tee shot into the hot dog stall rather than the concession stand.
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Critchley, though, is an old hand as a former BBC commentator at the Masters, and is in any event largely in favour of the tournament’s quirks and foibles. “There’s no ‘do’s and don’ts sheet’ as such, and you don’t go on bended knee to these people, but you do respect who they are and their traditions. It’s a bit like a member-guest arrangement, with the players as their guests for the week, and they like to keep it as a kind of garden party. With a faint air of surprise that people want to peek in on it.”
It will interesting to see how many viewers switch channels when the BBC shares the coverage at the weekend, but for those who want to watch in 3D, and have the required package, Sky is the only option. And, says Critchley, if there was ever a sporting event made for 3D, it’s the Masters.
One of the other spectator (sorry, patron) rules at Augusta is “no running”, even though this is rarely a problem in a country where belt buckles have long since been rendered invisible to the downward glance, and especially not here, where the gradient from Amen Corner up to the clubhouse would have made even Hillary and Tenzing stop for a 10-minute breather.
And that’s the thing about Augusta. Normal TV gives the viewer no real idea of the course’s massive undulations, and in particular the slopes on the greens. There isn’t a club golfer in the world who wouldn’t sell their grandmother for a round at Augusta, so 3D will get them as close to playing the course as they’re ever likely to.
According to Murray it’s “night and day from either standard or HD. When the camera is behind a player bending down on a green, you feel as you’re lining up your own putt, and can see the line precisely.”
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Critchley is even more enthused by the fact that 3D will also be available for the first-time screening in this country of the traditional nine hole par three tournament on Wednesday. “In many ways, this is the most beautiful part of the whole course, and so little of it has ever been seen. In the days when every competitive shot is covered, it’s nice to see something you’ve never seen before, and it’s also a brilliant course in its own right.”
No par three winner has ever gone on to win the Masters, although it’s not so much superstition that keeps Tiger Woods from playing in it, as the essentially fun nature of an event in which players often have their children caddying for them. Nobody ever took golf more seriously than Woods, but Critchley believes that not only will he fail to win the Masters, he won’t win another major full stop.
“He was actually going backwards even before his peccadillos, and in any event, Nicklaus apart, history shows us that even the great players have only 10 years at the top. Woods has been high profile for 15 years now, and you accumulate tremendous baggage over time. The one club you can’t change in golf is your brain, and while it might be slightly dangerous to say it, I think he’s had his day.”