The Times has seen e-mail evidence about bungs that Mike Newell handed to the FA. The other party’s name has been changed to Agent X for legal reasons . . .
From: mikenewell@luton.com
To: Agent X
Subject: McMuffin
What’s the deal with this brown McDonald’s bag you sent me? I come in the office Monday morning, clocked the thing on my desk, and my secretary said it was a gift off you, for all my hard work over the (name deleted) transfer. Tell the truth, I half-expected to open it up and find a stack of tenners. I’ve heard about you agents in the top divisions. Then I’ve had a look, and I’ve seen a sausage and egg McMuffin, an apple pie and a hot chocolate. What’s going on?
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From: Agent X
To: mikenewell@luton.com
Subject: sweet
Calm down, Mike. I was forgetting you was new to this division. We have ways of sweetening deals you wouldn’t have seen in Coca-Cola One. It’s a different world in the Championship.
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From: mikenewell@luton.com
To: Agent X
Subject: sausage
Yeah, but a sausage McMuffin? What’s all that about?
From: Agent X
To: mikenewell@luton.com
Subject: McFlurry
Hang on, Mike. You’re not in the Champions League yet. You’re at Kenilworth Road, not the Nou Camp. That was a nice little earner for you. Take (name deleted) at (name deleted). He give us a leg up when (name deleted) went to (name deleted), and he was well happy with a Creme Egg McFlurry. Doesn’t pay to be greedy.
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From: mikenewell@luton.com
To: Agent X
Subject: fast food
But fast food? What happened to cash?
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From: Agent X
To: mikenewell@luton.com
Subject: double cheeseburger
It was OK in the golden age, before they blew the gaff on poor old George. You’d go down the car park at Clackett Lane of a Friday night, and you couldn’t see for managers’ motors. There’d be queues of agents shovelling barrows full of notes into their boots. All sweet, no questions asked. It’s trickier now. Cash leaves a trail. But no one’s ever gonna trace a double cheeseburger, are they?
From: mikenewell@luton.com
To: Agent X
Subject: hot
Yes, I imagine the FA’s Compliance Unit made it pretty hot for you.
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From: Agent X
To: mikenewell@luton.com
Subject: bean
Don’t make me larf! D’you know what we called Graham Bean, what used to run it? Mr Bean! Which is his real name and it don’t look so funny writ down. So what’s your next move, Mike?
From: mikenewell@luton.com
To: Agent X
Subject: porridge
I’ll tell you — I’m straight on to the FA with all this. And never mind the McMuffins. It’s porridge for you, Agent X.