Steve McClaren obtained highly unorthodox advice from Terry Venables, his assistant, before playing Andorra, e-mails seen by The Times reveal . . .
From: stevemc@fa.org
To: venables@tel.e.com
Subject: brass
This is where you start earning your brass, Terry lad. How will us beat these Andorrians then?
From: venables@tel.e.com
To: stevemc@fa.org
Subject: not easy
Well, there’s no easy matches in international football, Steve — even against an amateur team consisting of three insurance salesmen, a postman, a PE teacher, a binman, a rat-catcher, a ski instructor and somebody’s mate who’s turned up and fancied a game.
From: stevemc@fa.org
To: venables@tel.e.com
Subject: tactics?
Yeah, I’m worried about that PE teacher in midfield. You know how evil they can be. We’ll tell our boys that if he says anything sarcastic just ignore him. What about tactics?
Advertisement
From: venables@tel.e.com
To: stevemc@fa.org
Subject: tree
I’ve got this formation I’d like to try. It’s called the Christmas tree and . . .
From: stevemc@fa.org
To: venables@tel.e.com
Subject: think on
Tel, Tel, Tel — nay lad. Will you bugger off out of it with your bloody Christmas tree. It’s 2006, not 1996. Even these mountain fellers know how to play against the Christmas tree by now.
From: venables@tel.e.com
To: stevemc@fa.org
Subject: wireless
Wrong, Steve. My spies tell me they ain’t got no telly up in them Andes. Can’t get a picture, so they listen to the wireless. They won’t have a clue what’s going on.
From: stevemc@fa.org
To: venables@tel.e.com
Subject: team
All right, then, what about t’team? Who shall us pick?
From: venables@tel.e.com
To: stevemc@fa.org
Subject: experience
You can’t beat experience, can you? This is who I’d go wiv: Seaman, Southgate, Sol, Pearcey, Platty, Incey, Stoney, Barmby, Gazza, Teddy and Shearer.
Advertisement
From: stevemc@fa.org
To: venables@tel.e.com
Subject: Re: team
Terry, that wouldn’t be your team from Euro 96, would it?
From: venables@tel.e.com
To: stevemc@fa.org
Subject: World Cup
Yes — if only they’d kept me on we’d have won that World Cup. I’d be Sir Tel and have me dial on a set of stamps.
From: stevemc@fa.org
To: venables@tel.e.com
Subject: nowt
I see. So tha’s got nowt to say about t’game these days then?
From: venables@tel.e.com
To: stevemc@fa.org
Subject:
No. I’ll get me coat.