They say the friends you make at uni are your friends for life, but it’s a game of two halves: those you keep and those you dump. In the first heady rush of freedom you can make bad decisions.
Gone are the home chums, school mates, the friends you made on that holiday and the gang you met while teaching English for a month in Cambodia. In their place are people you would never have chosen if you weren’t feeling so needy. These are people you not only don’t like, but actually hate. In short, they’re your frenemies.
But who are they, and how did they inveigle their way into your world?
Frenemy No 1, the Oldie, is the bloke from your school. You sat next to each other in class but never really gelled. Now you’re at the same university, on the same course, and he’s decided to be your main man. He’s there at every party. He’s calling you nightly to see what you’re up to. Should you dump him? Of course you should. You didn’t choose this friend. So cut the tie.
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Frenemy No 2 is the mutually agreed Friend of Convenience. You meet in the kitchen of your hall of residence on day two. She’s a bit lost. So are you. Desperation breeds hope, and hope breeds a temporary suspension of disbelief.
You’re partners in crime, for a time, the most conspicuous funsters on campus. You’ve got so much in common. Such as? Exactly. This friendship, born of simple need, has a shelf-life of about two weeks.
After that you dump each other faster than two MPs caught in flagrante delicto on Hampstead Heath.
It’s a shame Frenemy No 2 so often turns into Frenemy No 3, the Clinger. One of you — and it isn’t you — holds on long past their sell-by date. Doesn’t she get it?
After a couple of weeks of guiltily including her with the new friends you actually like, she gets the message and drifts off.
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Then there is Frenemy No 4, the Steady Stalwart. He’s on your course. You chat waiting for a lecture. He’s great company when you’re bored.
He’d like to graduate to an evening slot with you, but that will never happen. It’s a youthful version of a business relationship, and it’s probably best kept that way.
Now you’ve got friends covered, you can get back to your desk and concentrate on your degree. After all, what are you at university for?