Something for all the family . . . is a great ideal, but not that easy to achieve. How do you write an entertainment that bridges the attention deficit of three-year-olds, defies the cynicism of teenagers and doesn’t bore the Santa boxer shorts off grown-ups? Unsurprisingly, the ingredients for this magic mix are the same as for all good writing — action and character. This is why so many Christmas shows are based on traditional stories that can be constantly reinterpreted. The challenge for the writer is finding a new way of presenting the familiar and, in a panto, fitting in a bizarre mix of essential components.
If you want brought home to you what a strange confection a pantomime is, try explaining it to an American. “Well, you see, there’s the Dame, who is played by a man . . . the Principal Boy, usually played by a woman . . . a Demon King and a Good Fairy . . . and a moment when the audience can shout, ‘Behind you! Behind you!’” To the American it makes cricket sound logical. It’s a format that gains nothing from the injection of an Australian soap star or the latest detritus from Big Brother. The basic rules of Christmas show writing are: keep it short; if it’s a song, keep it shorter; if it’s a love song, keep it even shorter. There’s nothing so sure to get the tinies wanting the loo as a moment of romance.
But how can you please both those tinies and the grumpy old men? Good slapstick does it (and is fiendishly difficult to write). And then there’s that sublime invention, the pantomime horse. Everyone over a certain age knows it’s made up of two people, but nobody under that age does. So much of the pleasure derives from the older audience watching the reactions of the younger.
Audience participation also works. There is nothing more bonding than singing together, or joining in an “Oh yes it is!/ Oh no it isn’t!” routine. So do jokes. The trick is to write jokes that carry a different resonance for old and young, but don’t confuse either group. As ever, character is the key.
Easy to pontificate; harder to put into practice. Well, my bluff will soon be called. For the first few weeks of my new Mother Goose at Chipping Norton, the matinee audience will be under 10s, and the house for the same show in the evening will range from 0 to 90. If I can make that work, I’ll be very proud. And though the show doesn’t have a large budget, I know no corners will have been cut. You won’t hear any money-saving lines like that reputed to have been spoken in a production of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves: “You come through with me. You 39 wait out there.”
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Mother Goose, Chipping Norton Theatre, Spring St (www. chippingnortontheatre.co.uk 01608 642350), to Jan 6
PANTO STARS WE DON’T EXPECT...
Henry Winkler
Heyyyyy, it’s Captain Hook, as The Fonz joins Bobby Davro in Peter Pan at the New Theatre Wimbledon (www.theambassadors.com/newwimbledon 0870 0606646)
Patrick Duffy
The Man from Atlantis and Bobby Ewing in Dallas is Baron Hardup in Cinderella in Woking (www.the ambassadors.com/newvictoria 01483 545900)
Ken Kercheval
And Bobby Ewing’s scheming brother-in-law co-stars in Irving Berlin’s White Christmas at the Theatre Royal, Plymouth (www.theatreroyal.com 01752 267222)
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Stephanie Beacham
Her from Dynasty and Bad Girls is the evil stepmother in Snow White at Yvonne Arnaud Theatre, Guildford (www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk 01483 440000)
PANTO STARS WE DO . . .
Christopher Biggins and Basil Brush
Aladdin at the Theatre Royal, Nottingham
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Brian Conley
Cinderella at the Birmingham Hippodrome
Gary Wilmot
Peter Pan at the Assembly Rooms, Derby
Toyah Willcox
Aladdin at the Theatre Royal, Brighton
Bradley Walsh
Cinderella at the Milton Keynes Theatre
Jimmy Cricket in Jack and the Beanstalk at the Garrick Theatre, Lichfield