The Costa Smeralda On the north coast of Sardinia, this billionaires’ playground is a mecca for Arab princelings, Russian oligarchs, hedge-fund playboys and their serious arm candy. Naomi Campbell, Eva Herzigova and Silvio Berlusconi all follow the gin-palace petrol fumes here
Stay at The Cala di Volpe, the most expensive hotel in town, or preferably on ze biggest boat in ze harbour
Spend your days Shopping at the Gucci, Versace and Prada stores, or sipping cocktails in the cockpits of the mega-yachts. For even more serious posing, head to the new Nikki Beach at the Grand Hotel, Porto Cervo (opening on Friday)
Spend your nights Perching precariously in your Jimmy Choos on the banquettes of Sottovento, Porto Cervo’s answer to the Caves du Roy, or Flavio Briatore’s Billionaire Club
Advertisement
Drink Or rather spray, magnums of Cristal Rosé at £2,000 a pop
Wear A Liza Bruce bikini, Cavalli sunglasses, a Versace cover-up and this year’s must-have, a silver Anya Hindmarch basket-weave beach tote. On no account come off your heels, even when striding through the sand, and maintain perfectly blow-dried hair at all times. Don’t even think about getting it wet, unless it involves champagne
Beach essentials Tom Ford’s new Azurée make-up range (make-up on the beach is now de rigueur) and a Crème de la Mer facial spritz for when things get too steamy. Suncream is Sisley, Kérastase hair protector is a must, and nail varnish is Chanel (in Paparazzi, of course)
Read Nothing — it gives you crinkles around the eyes
On the iPod Ridin by Chamillionaire; Method Man’s Things They Say, featuring Lauryn Hill; Gnarls Barkley’s Smiley Faces; Love Don’t Let Me Go by David Guetta vs the Egg
Advertisement
TEH FAMILY BEACH
Sands End beach, Whitby Trad bucket-and-spading, with the probability of rain. Perfect for the wholesome-hearted, including Jay Jopling, Sam Taylor-Wood and Janet Street-Porter
Stay at Sam and Jay’s, or rent from www.shoreline-cottages.com and dream of Babington House
Spend your days Doggedly trying to steer the children away from the amusement arcades. There’s local theatre, and more penny sweets, hot dogs and donkey rides than you can shake a stick of rock at
Spend your nights Following Jane Clarke’s new nutrition cookbook in an attempt to purge the children of their candy-floss excesses,
playing endless games of Jenga and wondering what in the hell is so important that daddy can’t be here to enjoy this special family time
Advertisement
Eat Organic picnics on the beach and take-outs from the Magpie Café — the best fish and chips in Britain, according to Rick Stein
Drink Belvoir’s Organic Blueberry Cordial for the kids, pinot grigio by the gallon for the grown-ups
Wear Hopefully, Toast swimwear and Allegra Hicks kaftans, with Boden and Gap beachwear for the kids. Although actually, nobody gets out of their Mitty James towelling cover-ups, Brora cardigans or Hunter wellies, as it pours all week
Beach essentials Dr Hauschka suncream for everyone
Read Wild Mary: The Life of Mary Wesley by Patrick Marnham, or Wicked! by Jilly Cooper
Advertisement
On the Cath Kidston Roberts Revival Radio Radio 4
THE BOHO/BAREFOOT-CHIC BEACH
Essaouira Exotic but not too exotic, far but not too far, it’s the Med meets Morocco. First made famous by Orson Welles, Cat Stevens and Jimi Hendrix, Essaouira is now the right-on haunt for Bob Geldof, Jade Jagger, Mourad Mazouz, Paloma Picasso and all Euro aesthetes worth their Talitha Getty-esque kaftans
Stay at The Villa Maroc, a perfect study in bohemian chic
Spend your days Practising the art of lounge living under trailing bougainvillea; having a massage at the hammam; trawling the markets for Chichaoua rugs for the London flat, and a jellaba to wear to the next stately-home festival. And you absolutely have to pick up a handcrafted thuja box to keep your stash in
Advertisement
Spend your nights Watching the sun go down over the ramparts, and taking the bongos to the beach in honour of the Gnaoua world-music festival, which starts on Thursday
Eat Freshly barbecued fish from the stalls along the beach
Drink Casablanca beer and copious amounts of sweet mint tea
Wear Melissa Odabash bikinis, Heidi Klein hats, Antik Batik cover-ups, vintage Linda Farrow sunglasses and a henna tattoo
Beach essentials Lots of Guerlain bronzer, plus sun cream from The Organic Pharmacy
Read Zadie Smith’s On Beauty, or Rory Maclean’s Magic Bus
On the iPod All Night by Damian Marley; Differente by Gotan Project; Let’s Impeach the President by Neil Young; Pero que Suegro, from The Essential Ibrahim Ferrer; On the Radio by Regina Spektor
()
THE SPORTY BEACH
Croyde, North Devon The smarter place to surf, as decided by Luella Bartley, Prince William and Damien Hirst
Stay at Surfers World Westbeach, Woolacombe — boutique-style studios with hip restaurant and bar attached. Not a dodgy beanbag in sight
Spend your days Surfing, of course, or coasteering, (abseiling in wetsuits — not for the faint-hearted)
Spend your nights Ogling off-duty surfers at lock-ins at the Red Barn, tent-hopping in camp sites or slamming tequila body shots at Mariscos
Eat Fresh lobster baps from Mrs Huelin’s old ice-cream van, found trawling the camp sites and beaches with her daily catch. Or at Damien Hirst’s restaurant, 11 The Quay, in Ilfracombe
Drink Thatcher’s Dry Cider — with a slice of orange to bring out the alcohol
Wear Howies bikinis, Billabong boardshorts and a fit boy’s sweatshirt
Beach essentials Blockhead suncream and Bumble and Bumble Surf Spray for instant surfer-girl hair
Read Douglas Coupland’s JPod for show, Fat, 40 and Fired by Nigel Marsh in secret
On the iPod She Moves in Her Own Way by the Kooks; Keane’s Crystal Ball; Razorlight’s In the Morning; Supermassive Black Holes by Muse; Infra-red by Placebo
THE PARTY BEACH
Mykonos, Greece This 1960s haven is no longer just for the gay crowd. High fashion meets posh ravers fleeing the Ibizan masses: Valentino parks the yacht there, Jean-Paul Gaultier has a house, and expect Roland Mouret, Paris Hilton and Charlotte Stockdale to descend in all their finery
Stay at The Theoxenia, an old favourite of Ari and Jackie’s, with huge day beds for sleeping off those hangovers
Spend your days Checking out the talent at Nammos bar, on Psarou beach, strolling around the glamorous shops of Little Venice and getting on guest lists for the evening’s hottest parties
Spend your nights Lounging at sunset at Astra and Coo, in the centre of town — then moving on up to parties at villas in the hills. The hardcore ravers will be heading to the open-air Cavo Paradiso, a club perched on the cliffs overlooking Paradise beach, where DJs Sasha, Carl Cox and David Morales play on their summer circuits
Eat Octopus at Sea Satin, or black cod at Nobu at the Belvedere
Wear Pistol Panties bikinis (only for the body beautiful) accessorised with plenty of jewellery and a cowboy hat; Oliver Peoples sunglasses (day and night), a perfect tan and a Matthew Williamson number to cover up in the evening. Come dawn, those still up join the nudists on Paradise Beach
Beach essentials Crème de la Mer tinted moisturiser for morning-after glow, and Pout’s new skincare line for extra post-party rescue
Read Gautam Malkani’s Londonstani for show, Bridget Harrison’s Tabloid Love in secret
On the iPod Mark Ronson’s cover of Oh My God by Kaiser Chiefs, featuring Lily Allen; Plan B’s Kidz; Lorraine’s Transatlantic Flight, remixed by Axwell