Neil MacGregor, the museum’s director, has not dismissed the idea outright. He has been too tactful so far to inquire what would happen if the Greeks refused to return the marbles, but you can bet your last Attic pot that it will have occurred to him. Perish the thought, but some unsporting Greek judge might be tempted to hold a few British plane spotters or Club 18-30 reps as hostage until we accepted the fait accompli. (We could bear the loss of the latter.) If the notorious kidnapping of that trollop Helen by the Trojans launched 1,000 ships, why would not Britain be tempted to dispatch a gunboat or two to retrieve our treasure? Step forward peacemaker Lord Owen, who suggests a European treaty to seal the bargain.
At the risk of spoiling what has always been a delightfully unreasonable row, this seems to be sensible idea. Most big cities thrive on art swaps. Think how our cultural life has been enhanced by the loan of Tutankhamen treasures, Aztec sculpture or Titian’s paintings. The Hermitage Museum of St Petersburg even has outposts in Somerset House in London and a casino in Las Vegas. So if the logistics are not imponderable, perhaps a loan would be in order. But we suggest that Mr MacGregor read the small print of the deal carefully and threaten the Greeks with even more 18-30 holidaymakers if they don’t hand the marbles back. That should do the trick.