KNIT THE ROYAL WEDDING
Camilla presented few problems. The Archbishop of Canterbury was a welcome addition. And Kate and William, naturally, were effortlessly ravishing. But the real stinker, Fiona Goble discovered when she sat down to produce her own knitted royal wedding party, was the corgi.
“I tried several times,” she says. “I’m not a doggie person, and the first one I knitted was the size of a horse.” The second was the right size and looked like a dog but, alas, “not like a corgi”. The third, though, was just right. It takes dedication, to produce a tribute to the royal wedding in woollen form.
If anyone were to do it though, it was Goble, who already has a Christmas knitting installation to her name (titled Knitivity) and another planned (’Twas the knit before remindsChristmas). From the time the wedding was announced, she worked fast. In only three weeks, her tableau came alive. And now, thanks to a publisher who has printed the instructions in book form, you, too, can follow in her knit-steps. As, indeed, a lot of people have already done. “It’s gone a bit crazy,” Goble says. “I think we’ve reached 15,000 sales!”
THE IMPERSONATORS
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Emily Turner is considering Kate Middleton’s fertility prospects. “If she gets pregnant,” she asks, “do you think I will have to?” James Cooper is more confident about the biological hurdles in his career path. “If I’m anything like my father, I’ll be bald in a year,” he says cheerfully. “So I should match Wills on that.”
Gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes, as they pose for the Times photographer outside Buckingham Palace, Emily and James are just getting used to their new jobs: as Kate and William impersonators. James, in fact, realised only halfway down The Mall that he still had a price sticker on the sole of his brogue. “I went on a big shop yesterday,” he says, “for Prince William clothes.”
This is, they hope, the start of a fruitful working relationship: royal lookalikes can have a long career, according to toplookalikes.co.uk. But there are still some skills to be worked on. James, an electrician from Dartford, may be wearing chinos and a woollen jumper but he is somewhat lacking in the plumminess department. “I’ve been listening to YouTube clips of Wills,” he says. “I need to learn the voice.”
FLYING THE FLAG
There are two schools of thought on bunting. “The most popular we offer,” Tim Boden explains, “is the Union Flag.” For those considering a daring alternative though, he recommends his second-highest seller: red, white and blue. Boden is the director of The Cotton Bunting Company and this, one can safely say, is a time when his business is in the ascendancy.
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“People seem to have been planning a lot of street parties,” he says. “And small shops are choosing to decorate their store fronts. People are entering into the spirit of the royal wedding.”
Boden has a theory about the enduring popularity of coloured material on string. “Everyone who sees them enters a holiday frame of mind. It reminds people of circuses, carnivals and festivals. Hanging up bunting makes you happier.”
ANGLESEY ARRIVES
The third jet in as many minutes roars over but the regulars in the clubhouse at Anglesey Golf Club barely flinch. They are engrossed in the story of someone who knows someone who once sold Kate a bottle of wine. Until last year, all that the RAF base on Anglesey had brought the island’s adjacent golf course was a lot of noise and a rather esoteric hazard on the tenth hole, where “the helicopters are a damned nuisance when you’re teeing off”. But in April William was posted there to learn to fly those nuisance helicopters, and Kate Middleton moved in.
Everyone has a story about the island’s most famous couple — from the kebab-van owner who served William burgers to the Tesco checkout lady who served Kate pastries.
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“It’s nice to see Anglesey in Hello! with all those glossy pics,” Ann Hughes, a hotel housekeeper, says. Her view is shared by many: Anglesey may never be a chic destination, but at last it is on the map.