Children make you poor. And like the poor they are always with us. Still, who would be without them? Bernard Parke, Guildford
I have been around children my entire life. Between my husband and I, there are 14 nieces and nephews. I am the youngest of four, and my husband is the middle child of six. We love children and are pretty good with them. However, we have come to a mutual decision that we are not interested in having them. I happen to like my life the way it is. Perhaps I am selfish - I like taking naps, going out whenever we like, working late if I need to, going on vacations whenever we want, sleeping late, staying up late. I’ve received a lot of (unspoken) animosity from my friends. They all have children. They are jealous of my freedom, but tell me I should have a baby; that I would make a great mother, it would be fun. Truth is I am not interested. My Mom used to say that a person who works in a sweet shop will never eat sweets. She said that this is what happened to me. I was a nanny for so long that I am not interested in having children of my own. But just because we can have children, what gives us the right to? There are millions of children in the world who need homes and families. Why do couples spend tens (sometimes hundreds) of thousands of dollars on fertility specialists when they can take some extra time and sometimes a lot less money and adopt? Besides, when people spend all their time on fertility specialists and it doesn’t work, and they keep on trying, doesn’t the whole point of what they are trying to do get lost? If it is meant to be it will happen. Children are a gift and not be taken lightly. Kathrin Steinbauer, Sandusky, Ohio
If childcare was cheap and available I’m sure a lot more women would have children. The childcare situation in Britain is a disgrace and the Government should realise that if it wants to pay for pensions and social security in the future, it should be spending money now to enable couples to have children and still work. Reading comments by all these women who declare getting drunk on a Sunday as a credible alternative to the joys of children makes me laugh. I’ll still be laughing when my kids entertain me with their kids when I’m old and grey, rather than festering in solitary independence. Sarah Hague, Montpellier, France
My two married daughters are both receiving treatment to enable them to conceive. While both of them have worthwhile and rewarding careers, their maternal instincts have been developed and encouraged - I believe - by their upbringing and most importantly, by my wife, herself a natural, nurturing mother. We have been - again, in my opinion - good parents, our family not perfect in any sense but secure, loving, respectful and compassionate. Like many other families in this country, we have contributed to the continuation of the stability and prosperity of our community and we believe the families of our children will do likewise. I believe many of those women who chose not have children are likely to be similar to my daughters in many ways, would probably make excellent mothers with families that would benefit the community but who have a desire to take more control of their lives, lead a more independent and flexible life and have the financial means to do so. This is disastrous for our country, not least because the balance between - to put it simplistically - stable and unstable families would change for the worse. The community depends on good families: parents who care and who love their children, who are willing to sacrifice time and money in order for their offspring to grow into worthwhile citizens. Keith Downer, London
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I think that for most people in a stable relationship, not to have children is selfish. Next time they are involved in an accident and the paramedics rush them to hospital with the police clearing the road congestion and the doctors and nurses treating them, they should be grateful to the parents of all these people for taking the decision to have children. Vinay Mehra, Purley, Surrey
There are many factors which have a part to play in whether a woman wants to have children or not. Often women are affected by less than ideal circumstances in their own childhoods, which do not prepare them well for the idea of motherhood. It seems to me the height of arrogance for others to assume the right to judge people for their decisions when they often had no idea how much soul searching often goes into a woman’s decision not to have children. Given the very real concerns about over-population I’d have thought that those opting to be child-free would be less at risk of accusations of selfishness. Mind you, the stigma seems just as real now as it has for years, as witnessed by the number of people who presume to know the mind of the child-free woman better than she does herself. Name and address withheld
I respect the choice made by women for not having children, and I believe that there is a lot of stigma attached to it that makes these women uncomfortable about their choices. However a number of the cases in the article highlight more the fact that they’re lacking support than that this is a lifestyle choice. I think both the government and companies to address the problem of women having to take time off work for procreation and therefore losing out on income and career. Subsidies on childcare would be a good start. Alison Lau, London
As a mother of one (15 year old male), I really do think it is up to the person at the time. And time really is an issue. I have met women who haven’t wanted children, but as time has gone on this has changed which, as we know, comes with problems and can be expensive. I love being a mother; I work full time and my son luckily is a delight and works really hard at school, although at home he does nothing. Selfish does not come into to it. It is a lifelong commitment and should not be taken lightly. Each to their own. Siobhan Watson, Huddersfield, West Yorkshire
I totally agree with Katie who is first to comment in the article. I’m only 17 and have made pretty much a final decision that I don’t want kids. My career is more important to me, as is being able to live my life as I want it without any ties. Name and address withheld
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Not having children makes you neither clever nor selfish - it is a personal choice. Some of the justifications do seem weak. Nobody ever has enough money for children, but somehow you cope. Mess and boredom? Come on - when a tidy house and gallery visits replace the joy of seeing your child grow, develop and love life, then really there is something to worry about. An overpopulated world - yes, but the UK population is ageing at an alarming rate. If all middle class, professional people decide not to have children then who goes on to run the country and keep paying the taxes? It is everyones’ right - in this country - to choose how they live their lives. We are incredibly lucky to have this choice - most do not. Helen Shaw, Liverpool
If a woman decides not to have children this does not affect anybody but herself. If she is with someone who wants kids then obviously he is with the wrong woman. Having kids is such a huge responsibility that it cannot and should not be forced upon anybody. Maybe this is the reason there are such disruptive kids nowadays, as people who did not want kids had them because of social and family pressures. Ayse Ergen, London
I am a healthy 42-year-old, look ten years younger and have always had young boyfriends. I live in a beautiful house, love animals, music, fashion, etc, and love life in general. I made the choice not to have children a long time ago and don’t regret it for one minute. I’m free to do what I want, when I want, and how I want. I have no ties to anybody. I look at my friends who have chosen that path and they all tell me if they had really thought about it they wouldn’t have married and had kids; anyway most of them have separated and those that remain are only in the marriage for the children. I was married at 21, but I soon realised that there was more to life then cooking and staying at home, so I left my husband. So good luck to to all those women who have the courage to stand up and say no I don’t want children, it’s my body and my life, and not to succumb to peer pressure. Marisa Grima, Hamrun, Malta
Whether or not to have children is neither a case of being clever or selfish but simply one of personal choice. The irony is that in an age of supposed women’s choice we could still consider a woman selfish for deciding not to, as though it were completely unnatural and she was nothing more then a man in drag. I think many women have simply felt obliged to adhere to social expectations. There is such an idolisation of motherhood in our society that it makes a woman feel that if she is not a mother she is not complete. I like children but seeing harassed parents pushing screaming children around supermarkets puts me off having them. The fact that one constantly reads about how hard it is to bring up children, mix work and child rearing, etc, serves only to heighten my anxiety. If having kids is so hard then why do it? India Collins, Paris
When my boyfriend suggested, about two years ago, that we think about children, I was adamantly against it. I knew what I wanted - an intellectually demanding job, success, freedom to travel, hanging out with my friends, drinking too much red wine over Sunday lunch, etc, and it was clear that having children would threaten all those objectives. After a year of arguments I gave in. I didn’t look forward to the baby’s arrival, but lay awake at night weeping for my lost social life. To any woman having doubts, I would say: the cliches are true. Having a baby is horribly painful, and looking after it can be mind-numbingingly boring. Plus it will devastate your social life. But being a mother will make you happier than cocktails, friends, boyfriends, being a size 8, career success, winning the lottery, scuba diving in the Maldives, in fact than anything else. (Although I’ve never won the lottery.) Please, at least, before deciding not to give it ago, have a real chat with a friend with children about the positive aspects of her life. Name and address withheld
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Having children shouldn’t be automatic; it shouldn’t be just another milestone. I applaud anyone who has actually given the decision serious thought, whatever the final answer was and completely understand and empathasise with some women’s decision not to have children. Name and address withheld
Hurrah! At last a sensibly written article about women not being broody. I am just about to turn 41 and have absolutely no doubts about my choice not to have children. My decision was based on a number of factors, mainly money, lack of maternal instincts and yes, I don’t want to give up my current freedom. I have been accused of being selfish by my best (male) friend, perhaps I am, but no more then those who want to leave some sort of genetic legacy by way of procreation. The same friend who accused me of being selfish also said that I would change my attitude if I had a baby: “It would do you good.” And if it didn’t? Needless to say I ignored his advice. Name and address withheld
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