Q. I’ve been with my girlfriend for nine years. We’re both in our mid-thirties. Over the past year our relationship has become increasingly fractured — I want kids, she doesn’t and we argue most days. We’re edging towards breaking up — friends and family think I should leave. But we have a big, expensive (£6,000 each) three-week holiday to southeast Asia booked for this June. We could delay it, but it’s non-refundable. Should I end the relationship now or bite the bullet and do it after the trip?
A. Life is full of mortifying moments. Scales that speak your weight. Asking a friend when the baby’s due — and she replies she’s not pregnant. Eating bananas in front of blokes. But nothing compares to the ignominy of going on holiday with a person you no longer love.
If you want to be maimed emotionally and psychologically, why not go to downtown Pyongyang and make a day of it?
Of course, you could opt for a “conscious uncoupling” trip, à la Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, explaining that you’ll always cherish the initial misconceptions you had about each other. And, you never know, while sorting out your break-up, all those sunset cocktails may reignite your passion?
But as your friends and family also feel you’re incompatible, it sounds as if you didn’t fall in love, but stepped in — and now it’s time to wipe each other off your shoes.
Advertisement
I speak from experience. Yes, it had been love at first sight … but then he’d taken a second look. Suddenly it was if I was wearing a sign on my heart that read “In case of emergency, break”.
When he said he “needed some space” I was like, “Who are you? Buzz Aldrin?” I refused to believe that the light of my life could turn out to be such a bad match. I guilt-tripped him into still coming on our planned holiday so as not to lose the hotel deposit. But, oh, the silences, the sulks, the arguing — in the end I would have paid double the deposit to avoid all that misery.
Can you see if any of her or your friends or familywould like to buy your share of the holiday at a reduced rate? Then take a cheaper, solo trip to southeast Asia and meet someone new. But my advice would be to end it now, before the United Nations declares your love life a disaster area.
My husband won’t get off the ship when we’re at port
Q. My husband and I are enthusiastic cruisers but there’s one problem: he won’t get off the ship when we’re in port. I persuaded him to come for a walk with me in Gibraltar once and he was in such a rush to get back to the ship that he tripped and broke his arm. To him, that proved a point.
I go off on tours by myself. But it would be nice if, just occasionally, he would come on an excursion with me. Am I picking the wrong cruises? We’ve been to Norway and the Mediterranean. I feel like I’m on holiday on my own most of the time. Where can we sail to that will be irresistible to him and tempting to come and explore with me?
Advertisement
A. So, what floats your husband’s boat? Literally. Is it animals? Then why not book a boat trip around the Galapagos. Is it reef snorkelling? Then get thee to the Bahamas, Bora Bora, the Cayman Islands or the Great Barrier Reef. There must be some destination he’d think worth exploring.
Have you asked what it is he’s avoiding ashore? Is it a hatred of haggling over a woven effigy of Zeus he doesn’t even want? A fear of feeling he must buy an indigenous nose flute to keep the local economy going?
It’s too weird to sail the world and not see it. You don’t have to be Agatha Christie to start wondering why he’s so keen to stay on board without you. Is it to secretly devour puddings without being nagged about cholesterol levels? Does he down clandestine cocktails while surreptitiously straddling a slot machine?
I hope it’s not a shipboard romance? An adulterer is a bloke who helps himself because he can’t help himself. Ship life is one endless smorgasbord, and perhaps there’s also an all-you-can-eat sexual buffet on board for like-minded-swingers? Around middle age, many previously strait-laced husbands become heat-seeking moisture missiles.
Have you found a lovebite on his bottom that he dismissed as a squash injury but you are now praying is the bubonic plague? Perhaps he’s just too shy to tell you how much he loves quoits? Maybe secretly stay aboard and spy — I just hope it’s not a case of quoitus interruptus.
Make it happen
Advertisement
With the opportunity to see penguins, boobies and iguanas there’s no chance your other half would want to miss the excursions on a Galapagos expedition. A ten-night, full-board sailing is from £6,461pp with Hurtigruten. You’ll fly into Quito, Ecuador (with 24 hours to explore the city) before sailing to islands including Fernandina, Floreana and Santa Cruz (hurtigruten.com). Flights to Quito not included.
Do you need Kathy’s help with a travel problem? Email us at travel@sunday-times.co.uk
Sign up for our Times Travel newsletter and follow us on Instagram and X
