When Mary Robinson put her candle in the window of Aras an Uachtarain she could scarcely have imagined the type of Irish emigrant who would, one day, pitch up in the Phoenix Park. Our brilliant, history-making president, who became one of the earliest casualties of the boomtime compulsion to sneer at sincerity, was the one who introduced the word "diaspora" to the national conversation.
It's a good thing Robinson has vacated the Aras, for were she still there, she would surely die of fright when the "diaspora" turns up at the president's door on September 18 to be entertained courtesy of the taxpayer. In the tradition of all Ireland's wars being happy and our songs sad, the taoiseach has decided that the recession requires a good old hooley. Although he's not calling it that. He's calling it the Global Irish Economic Forum. And it's invitation-only.
Included on the guest list of 180 business individuals are super-rich tax exiles like Denis O'Brien, one of this country's most influential media proprietors, and Dermot Desmond, who owned so much of Bank of Ireland he felt able to remonstrate with its chairman over the appointment of Richie Boucher as its chief executive.
Also due to attend is Richard Barrett, chairman of Treasury Holdings China. Barrett and his business partner, Johnny Ronan, were involved in a number of controversial construction projects during the Celtic tiger-fueled building blitz. Some of their buildings are architecturally fabulous, such as the national convention centre in Dublin's docklands. Others, like the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Wicklow, are a metaphor for Ireland's Great Gatsby moment. Barrett and Ronan, incidentally, are the landlords for the National Asset Management Agency, the bankers'/builders' lifeboat, which will include their loans in its 60 billion rescue spree.
So who else is Brian Cowen relying on to produce sticking-plaster solutions for the economy at the knees-up? Colm Barrington, the chairman of Aer Lingus, which is struggling to stay airborne; Cathal Goan, the director general of RTE, which is facing a shortfall of 68m this year; and GAA president Christy Cooney, whose real job is being in charge of human resources at FAS, where managers and their spouses famously flew first-class to the world's finest hotel suites, compliments of the taxpayer.
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Lest the rest of us great unwashed might think there is something intrinsically grotesque about Cowen's big adventure in the Park, we are assured that the guests are paying their own travel expenses. Well, phew! With Aer Lingus and Ryanair giving away zero-fare tickets, we might save 70 in charges and taxes per guest, a handsome economy when we still have to pay for the reception being hosted by President Mary McAleese in the Aras, the dinner being hosted by Mary Coughlan in Dublin Castle and the best seats in Croke Park for the All-Ireland final.
Once upon yesteryear when money was tight in Ireland, Gillian Bowler had a brainwave to boost tourism. She asked everyone to send a postcard to someone abroad, inviting them to holiday in Ireland. Why cannot the 180 successful emigrants and tax exiles simply send Cowen a card from Geneva or Malta with their suggestions for fixing the economy? After all, when Desmond wanted the national theatre relocated to his beloved docklands he just wrote to Bertie Ahern and recommended where he put it. The government should take its lead from the website run by entrepreneur Aileen O'Toole which has already attracted 5,284 ideas from the public who haven't received so much as a cup of Exchequer-funded tea in thanks.
The tactlessness at the heart of this diaspora summit is staggering. If you plotted to insult the people of Ireland, you could hardly do better. Every twist of the plan contains a slight. Take the venue. Farmleigh House was Ahern's vanity project. He bought it with 29m of our money (despite missing an earlier chance to buy it for 19m ) and flung another 23m at its refurbishment. The first Christmas after the taxpayers' 52m splurge, Ahern and his "life partner", Celia Larkin, threw a private party there for their pals with a Cana-esque supply of mulled wine and mince pies.
At his cosy-capitalist love-in at Farmleigh this month, Cowen has decided there will be only one keynote speaker - himself, aka the minister for finance who steered the economy from boom to bust. Does nobody among his advisers see the unmitigated witlessness of this choreography?
Inside the halls of plenty will be gathered the cream of the fat-cats who promoted a fatal liberal capitalist culture, many of whom would have considered the likes of "Seanie" FitzPatrick and Michael Fingleton model businessmen. Outside the gates will be the vassals expected to make all the personal sacrifices. Pay your tax levy. Don't ask questions. Give up your Christmas bonus. Vote for Lisbon. Obey the law, or go to jail.
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The timing of the event too is woeful as the pieces click into the jigsaw to create the face of Official Ireland. It is a face devoid of contrition for its incestuous past. The Economic and Social Research Institute has warned that, if we are to climb out of the economic doldrums, we must first change our attitude but Ireland Inc carries on brazenly without even the pretence of a morality check.
Anglo Irish Bank, the never-consulted- people's bank, wants to give builder Liam Carroll another 68m to pull him back from the abyss of liquidation and is ready to back £76m in credits due to be paid by an English company associated with Mick Bailey of Bovale (a man who was adjudged by Mr Justice Feargus Flood to have paid a bribe to former minister Ray Burke). Derek Quinlan, deal-maker extraordinaire of the boom who owes Anglo Irish as much as 1.5 billion, has gone into tax exile. I could go on.
The gig in Farmleigh is being trumpeted as a selfless patriotic gesture by wealthy wild geese but one wonders who are the genuine patriots. The moguls wining and dining in symbolic Dublin Castle? Or the people outside the gate who do not rise up in protest at each fresh insult?
Whoever decided that the Global Irish Economic Forum was the answer to our travails is a case study in severe emotional dysfunction, a consequence of a gilded existence in government for 12 unbroken years. The reality is that a taoiseach who cannot even see the ivory tower he occupies is never going to dismantle it.