I’LL START WITH THE LOUDEST GUY IN the dressing-room and the biggest joker.
BRENT SANCHO: He never stops telling jokes and has us in stitches a lot of the time, but he’s very well-spoken. I think he has ambitions to go into politics in later life, which would suit him. On the pitch he’s a very aggressive defender, so Michael Owen may want to look out . . .
DENNIS LAWRENCE: He is 6ft 7in so it’s probably safe to guess who will be looking after Peter Crouch. Off the pitch he’s quiet, a real family man, but I have to mention that his wife makes wonderful sweetbreads. Many is the time that the Trinidad & Tobago camp has been kept going by Mrs Lawrence’s sweetbreads.
CYD GRAY: One of the older boys, he’s from a small village on Tobago and he’s an absolute hero back home. He was fantastic in the play-off win over Bahrain that got us here. He plays his football in Trinidad but he’s good enough to have played in Europe. He had a few trials in England but for one reason or another they didn’t work out.
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CARLOS EDWARDS: He’s had a very successful career in England with Wrexham and now Luton Town. Another very chatty guy, he’s also blessed with terrific energy and doesn’t stop running. I believe he has been writing a column for another English paper, but I keep telling him it’s not as good as mine.
CHRIS BIRCHALL: OK, I admit it, we call him “White Boy”, but his other nickname is “Roll-On, Roll-Off” — which is what we call imported cars. But those names were bestowed with great affection. Everyone in the squad and back home loves Chris. He’s a real Trini, no doubt about that.
DWIGHT YORKE: A friend for nearly 30 years, but also a legend in my eyes. He has this playboy image in England, but that’s unfair. He plays hard, yes, but he works even harder and he has been a magnificent captain and ambassador for Trinidad & Tobago. Has adapted really well to his new midfield role.
DENSILL THEOBALD: A talented young player with a bright future. He’s known to everyone as “Bleeder” — don’t ask me why. Everyone arrives in the camp with these nicknames and we never find out why. Someone was talking about Densill the other day and everyone was asking: “Who’s Densill? He’s Bleeder.”
COLLIN SAMUEL: One of the few quiet lads in the team, he is from a small village called Manzanilla in the deep south of Trinidad. But he’s also very funny when you get to know him. On the pitch he’s very quick and he’s got bags of ability.
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CORNELL GLEN: Quick, talented and maybe a little naive, but I say that in a positive way. Alan Pardew, my manager at West Ham United, says naivety can be a good thing and we saw that with the way Cornell ran at the Sweden defence. Off the pitch he rivals Brent Sancho in the chatting stakes. He just doesn’t stop.
STERN JOHN: Another one with a nickname I can’t explain, “Bravo”, but everyone in the Caribbean knows who Stern John is. He’s going to have a tough job against England, probably on his own up front, but he’s a great striker of the ball and also has a great football brain, which he’ll need if he’s going to get the better of Rio Ferdinand and John Terry.
SHAKA HISLOP: What can I say? I’m 37 and apparently I’m the fourth-oldest player in the tournament. I was meant to be here as a substitute until Kelvin Jack got injured in the warm-up against Sweden. Truly, I can’t believe how things have turned out. As a character, I’m probably a typical Trinidadian — relaxed, easygoing, that kind of thing — and maybe I have a bit of a mischievous side as well. By that, I mean that there might be the odd red herring in this line-up. I’m sure the coach wouldn’t want me giving his team away, after all.