If Kate Middleton thinks her work experience with Mario Testino (rumoured to be taking place in March - Middleton is a budding photographer) is going to be hard work, she is not wrong. But does she know how much fun it is going to be?
A job with Testino, who shoots for the hottest fashion mags and does dozens of high-profile ad campaigns, is the wannabe photographer's dream. Joining his entourage (huge, given the high production values and glamour of his sets and locations) is, it seems, jumping on a nonstop, 24-hour work, play and party treadmill.
Testino HQ is off Ladbroke Grove in London, but the photographer travels constantly. According to Alexi Lubomirski, who worked for Testino for four years and is now a successful photographer in his own right, one minute you could be shooting Gwyneth in Connecticut, the next an ad campaign for Versace in Moscow. "You work every single day, from as soon as Mario gets up to when Mario goes to bed, seven days a week, 11 months of the year, with only August off," he says. It all kicks off in Rio at Christmas. "Mario would say, 'You boys - why don't you come out and stay in my house,' and then we'd spend two weeks in Rio shooting for American Vogue and dancing at samba school or at Carnival, and then we'd get on a plane and fly to New York for the shows. It was a travelling party. Every single day, we were either dancing or laughing or working or flying."
Lubomirski's very first day at work involved a shoot for Burberry. "It was a wedding scene, with Freddie Windsor and Kate Moss, and I remember thinking, 'My God, this is the most surreal thing in the whole world.' There were punks jumping around on a trampoline in one corner, and in the other Liberty Ross was giving Freddie Windsor a lap dance."
A big shoot involves a cast of thousands and coordination from all over the world. Huw Gwyther, who worked in Testino's Paris office for four years and now edits his own fashion magazine, Wonderland, says: "For the Pirelli calendar, there were 12 models and all their publicists, and then the production team and their assistants, and hair and make-up and their assistants, and Mario and his assistants. Quite often, they will charter private jets to fly out to amazing locations." Kay Montano, a make-up artist who has worked with Testino on countless shoots, says: "There is a bizarre sort of decadence to it. Flying in a G-string because a stylist wants it is so par for the course that nobody bats an eyelid."
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Testino is on set from the start of the day, checking in with hair and make-up and chatting up the celebrity as only he can, while his team set up and do test shots. There is a hierarchy: "The first assistant does the lighting, the second does what the first wants him to do, and the third does the rest," says Lubomirski. But the atmosphere is always light. "When you see those images, you can guarantee the person in them is trying to keep a straight face," says Montano.
Breaking into Testino's entourage is no easy task. Lubomirski says he cheated his way in by telling Testino that his mother had once gone out with Testino's cousin. Gwyther was introduced by Testino's brother Giovanni, and Testino's current assistant is Toby Knott, the son of Lucinda Chambers (fashion director at Vogue and Testino's long-time collaborator). It helps if you're handsome: on location it's often impossible to tell the assistants from the models. "Oh, my God, they're so good-looking," says Montano. "Which is why he has been a matchmaker to so many people, and is godfather to so many people's children. Stella Tennant met her husband, David Lasnet, when he was an assistant; Jacquetta [Wheeler, the British model whose career Testino launched] and Alexi [Lubomirski] also met through Mario. And he loves it. He's saucy, he's got a naughty sense of humour. He loves sexual energy around him - that's what's going on behind those straight-laced pictures." Alongside the flirting, there is a lot of laughing. "It's no holds barred. He's got a real potty mouth, regardless of who he's photographing," says Montano.
After hours, it's all about the party. When the crew swoops into town, Montano says Testino "always knows the hottest club, the coolest people". The make-up artist Charlotte Tilbury says: "Working and travelling with Mario lets you into an amazing world. It's inspiring working on the shoots, and then you get taken to discover the best of every place. He knows the best-kept secrets and the best parties, wherever you are."
Unlike many in the industry, who treat their assistants like the dirt on the bottom of their Louboutins, Testino's minions are taken along for the ride. "He treated us all like his kids," says Lubomirski. "Even going to the airport, he'd always make sure we got special services and were bumped up to business class."
Gwyther remembers Testino renting a big yacht off Naples for the team, after a particularly gruelling shoot. They sailed down the coast past Capri, with Naomi Campbell jumping on for a ride. "It was like living in one of his pictures really, waking on the boat and being offered a gin and tonic at 8.30am. It was the most luxurious thing I'd ever done - probably will ever do - in my life."
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Nick Cox, who worked with Lucinda Chambers at Vogue, remembers finding himself at The Ivy dining with George Hamilton one night. "There were always so many celebrities, it was like watching Madame Tussauds come to life. We did one shoot with Hardy Amies, Vivienne Westwood, Tracey Emin, Naomi, Bono and Jude Law, all in the same room at the same time."
Perks aside, working with Testino is the ultimate foot on the ladder. Lubomirski now shoots the likes of Demi Moore, Cate Blanchett and Jennifer Aniston. Gwyther always wanted to work on a magazine, and when the time came to fly the nest, his boss "literally clicked his fingers, and two weeks later I was managing editor of V magazine in New York".
Testino's bandwagon is the living version of the fabulous dream he creates in all his pictures. If Middleton really is hitching a ride, she's going to have to ditch those Jigsaw heels and wrap dresses to fit in. As Montano says: "Every night is a wrap party. You're in for the ride, and there's no room for fatigue. You're on the fun bus."