The non-celebrity winner of this year’s Celebrity Big Brother has been dubbed the poor man’s Paris Hilton (Paris Travelodge, ho ho). In fact she’s the rich man’s Jade Goody, a slimmer, prettier and savvier version of the victor in the third Big Brother.
As for being thick, I would question whether Chantelle genuinely believes Dundee to be in South Wales, or whether she was merely putting a new spin on Jade’s faux pas about East Anglia being “abroad” — with resulting tabloid furore.
Oh yes, Chantelle entered the CBB house with more Max Clifford-style guile in her little finger than all her supposedly media-savvy fellow inmates (even George Galloway). Maybe she is some Oxbridge-educated Channel 4 researcher playing dumb for a bet — what else could explain those awful hair extensions? For now, though, we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.
If she wants to maximise her new status, she must ditch embarrassing hangers-on, and that means Jodie Marsh. In the CBB house, Chantelle rightly took the view that staying close to Jodie would keep Dennis Rodman at arm’s length. Now she has won, she doesn’t need Marsh cramping her style. Besides, she might accept grooming advice from her, which would be a bit like taking plastic surgery tips from Pete Burns.
And here’s some really useful advice: get Max to organise a few shopping trips with Victoria Beckham — Posh needs the publicity — and get her to give you the number of whoever does her extensions, which are the best in the business. And get over Preston. He has a girlfriend, and you don’t want to get into a catfight with a French student — unless, of course, you tip off the tabloids beforehand and let them take photographs.