Wild rumours sweep the Peak District. The whisper is that Boris Johnson wants to scuttle from Uxbridge, the seat he represents, and stand for the constituency where I was once MP, and live now. The idea may well have crossed Johnson’s mind. The chances are he would lose Uxbridge (majority 7,210). Derbyshire Dales (Tory majority 17,381) is represented by Sarah Dines, a former divorce lawyer. She and he are on excellent terms: within two years of her election, Johnson, as prime minister, made her one of his parliamentary private secretaries. To the surprise of some, he paid an unpublicised visit here some five weeks ago where, hosted by Dines in Wirksworth, he met local Conservatives — his second visit since the 2019 general election.
On balance I doubt the rumours. But should Johnson ever stand here I shall be pleased to add to the general merriment by putting up against the charlatan myself, if that would help foil his cunning plan. I may have to form my own party, and will welcome suggestions for its name. The KBO (Keep Boris Out) Party? Or simply AVAUNT? Sadly, only South Africans would be familiar with the best name: the Afrikaans command, generally issued to marauders, dogs and tiresome children: Voetsak!
Out of Africa
We never went to Africa for Christmas, after all. Arriving with our suitcases at the Qatar Airways check-in counter at Manchester airport on Christmas Eve, I was told by the assistant to wait a moment. She walked off with my passport. She returned, having consulted her manager. My passport was invalid, she said, showing me the title page. I could see nothing amiss. Then she pointed to the margin where (with wear) a tiny section was loose from the binding, which will have been caused by repeated flattening of the passport against the glass in automatic gates. This would not show on automatic scanning systems, where I’ve never had any trouble. The decision of her manager (a handling agent) was apparently final. There was no means of appeal, no hope of getting a new passport in the hours available, and we had lost our flights and all our careful, prepaid plans for travel and accommodation in Africa — many thousands of pounds. It was weird, standing hopeless on the airport concourse, trying to come to terms with the loss. So we just went home.
I have tried to get a response from Qatar Airways, who promise one; and will not be letting this drop. Heaven knows, though, that others face worse reverses, and my late mother’s portrait, visible from where I now sit and looking rather stern, says, “It must have been intended, Matthew.” We decided not to bother all our friends with a “We’re still here!” lest they think they’d have to invite the poor lambs round for mince pies. So I only told the llamas, who, standing out in the rain, expressed indifference. And we lit the fire, poured some whisky and ginger, contemplated all those people in Ukraine with — unlike us — no homes to go to, had a nice, cosy Christmas and new year, and cheered up.
Police, camera, inaction
Something very strange has arisen. Readers of these Notebooks may recall that three weeks ago some people tried to force me into a car, apparently at gunpoint. I reported this to the Metropolitan Police, who have since informed me that no CCTV recording is available — surprising because there are traffic-monitoring cameras in the vicinity. But get this: the Met are not allowed to use recordings from such cameras, pending (according to the Ham & High last year) “an appeal lodged by the Open Rights Group, a privacy campaigning organisation” to stop the London mayor, Sadiq Khan, allowing police access to the Ulez and congestion zone CCTV recordings. These are used to enforce driver compliance. The issue was raised again in questions in the London assembly on November 22.
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Campaigners have demanded an extensive public consultation but their “privacy” campaign is futile. One murder (think of Sarah Everard) would get any such rule scrapped. I can just about see why cameras installed to detect serious crime should not be used for congestion charging — but the other way round? Are these people having a laugh?