Q I recently met a man I really liked. We have been out on several dates together and it was great — he was attentive and fun to be with. However, all of a sudden, I just went off the idea. I told him that he obviously wanted more from the relationship than I did — though I’m not sure that’s really true. The thing is, this happens to me a lot. It is like a switch going off. I worry that I’ll end up letting go of someone I really care about.
A Your concern about losing someone important is justified because your whimsical emotions would deter an ardent suitor. Your letter brings to mind the Shakespeare line “the lady doth protest too much”. You need to try to be more honest with yourself.
I think that you panic when you find yourself falling for someone, to protect yourself from possible rejection. Even if you’re not doing this consciously, you admit that you’ve reached this stage before, probably just as an attraction becomes something deeper.
Being in love is one of the most vulnerable times in life, as it involves breaking down the artifice that we construct to impress others. Eventually, the real you will be laid bare and a relationship can develop. This demands huge courage. It’s amazing that we ever manage it. But we do — and you will, too, because the rewards far outweigh the risks. Be brave and jump in.