In the midst of a dreadful news cycle, it was heartening to hear last week that within days of the launch of the government’s Homes for Ukraine scheme, more than 130,000 people applied to host refugees. In order to be accepted, a host is expected to provide a room rent-free for a minimum of six months (they will be offered £350 a month to help with expenses). Most volunteers will have no experience of taking in a displaced person, so if your application goes through, how can you make your newly extended household a happy one for everyone in it?
Mike Levy, a researcher for the US Holocaust Memorial Museum, says we can learn from history. His book Get the Children Out! focuses on the Kindertransport — a rescue effort in the months before the Second World War that brought children to the UK from Nazi-controlled countries.
“Many of those young refugees arrived traumatised,” he explains. “Bed-wetting, nightmares and morose behaviour, often cruelly interpreted by foster parents as ungrateful attitudes, were not uncommon. And often foster parents were not aware of dietary restrictions. They might serve a ‘good English breakfast’ of pork sausage and bacon to an Orthodox Jewish child.”
Hosting can present unexpected challenges and there is a lot to be considered before your new housemates arrive.
Preparing to host
At the moment it is possible to sponsor only a named Ukrainian — that is, someone you know personally — but charities are stepping in to make introductions. Though the government has yet to clarify many of the logistics, it has confirmed that hosts and guests alike will be subject to security checks.
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Daisy Garnett, a journalist, and her family hosted a Syrian man, Ali, for three weeks earlier this year. The stay was organised by the charity Refugees at Home. Ali had been in the UK for some years but needed short-term accommodation in London in order to sit dentistry exams.
The checks, Garnett says, were straightforward: she showed the charity the house and supplied two references, then cleared space for Ali in her stepdaughter’s room (she was away at university). “The charity gave us a full description of him, his age, what he does, his hobbies and his temperament,” Garnett says. They were also provided with information about his dietary requirements: “We bought halal meat.”
Providing a thoughtful welcome to your guests can get you off on the right foot. “I think what’s really important is the little touches that make the place feel nice,” says Gabriella Brent, head of programmes at the charity Refugee Trauma Initiative. “Often an effort makes somebody feel cared for — whether leaving flowers in their room or inviting them to a welcome meal.”
While they’re with you
The government says hosts will not be responsible for helping refugees access benefits, register with a GP or get children into school — other organisations will offer this support. That said, extra help may be needed. In 2016, Emily and her husband hosted a 22-year-old Syrian refugee, Malva (not their real names), for six months. “I was quite naive about what it would involve in terms of her dependence on us,” says Emily. “The bureaucratic machine a refugee gets thrown into is unbelievably complicated.”
Essa El Hajy discovered this when he arrived in the UK from Syria as a refugee in 2016, aged 21. He says the practical support his hosts offered was invaluable. “I didn’t know anybody in the UK and I only knew a few English words,” he says. “As soon as I arrived, they said to me, ‘Don’t worry, we’re here to help you’. They taught me a lot about the systems and routines in this country, and how to treat people here. They did a language lesson with me every day and helped me study. I needed them — on my own I couldn’t have done it. I would have been lost.” El Hajy now works in construction but still sees his host family frequently.
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Steve Louis helped establish schemes for two refugee families in his town in Buckinghamshire — the families, who come from Syria and Afghanistan, are housed independently but get structured support from the community.
“The key thing I’ve learnt is the importance of social capital,” he says. “Money and housing are important, but what is easy to overlook is that we all know how to go about trying to get a job here, or how the school system works. If you’re arriving from overseas, you don’t know any of that stuff, and that’s how communities can really help.”
He recommends hosts set up their own informal community: “It would be very useful to have a group of mates who could share the load. Maybe one friend is helping with education, or another with getting a driving licence, and someone else will take them to the doctor if there are medical issues.”
Try to let go of any expectations about how a refugee should behave. “There is an awful stereotype that they should be constantly grateful, and immediately be really industrious and find a job,” says Emily. “As a host you’re just there to provide a space. Don’t expect too much, and don’t project any ideas about how a refugee should be operating.”
Bear in mind that your guest may feel overwhelmed. “Don’t expect constant signs of gratitude for your kindness — remember what the families have been through,” counsels Levy.
Psychological support
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Trauma can present itself in different ways. “Some people can go into shock and be disassociated from feelings,” says Brent. “Others can be in a practical, go-go-go mode, or in a very agitated, anxious state. What is important is that hosts learn about trauma-informed care.” She recommends the charity’s free online course, Introduction to Setting up Safe Spaces (refugeetrauma.org/intro-training). Citizens UK and Reset also provide training in supporting refugee families.
In terms of discussing traumatic events, be led by your guest. “It’s not always helpful to ask direct questions,” says Brent. “Good questions might be: ‘How did you sleep?’, ‘How are you doing today?’. Usually somebody will open up if they need to.’
Sharing a space
El Hajy appreciated his hosts explaining some basic rules early on. “They told me I wasn’t allowed to smoke inside the house, so I didn’t. They said, ‘Please don’t come home late and make noise’. It’s best just to be clear — because a refugee may not know what you expect, as they come from a different culture. It’s better to know upfront rather than make mistakes and upset each other.”
If there are things your guest needs to know about your home and the housework, it’s a good idea to let them settle in first. “What isn’t very nice as soon as you arrive in a different country is to have a bunch of rules given to you,” says Brent. “That can feel very ungenerous and insensitive.”
It is also helpful to make sure there’s enough personal space, not only in their bedroom but in shared parts of your home, Brent says. Extend invitations but don’t assume your guests will always say yes — and be patient, she advises.
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The Garnetts decided as a family that they would like Ali to eat dinner with them. They discussed it with him and he agreed. They usually prepared vegetarian food. El Hajy joined his hosts for dinner as well, and enjoyed preparing Syrian meals for them.
When it came to chores, the Garnetts didn’t ask Ali to muck in, but they showed him where the products were in case he wanted to clean his bedroom. “I didn’t go into his room — I tried to keep that private,” says Garnett. “I told him, ‘I’m very happy for you to put your laundry in the basket and we’ll do it, but if you’d rather do your own, I can show you how to use the machine’.”
There may be a language barrier but that doesn’t mean you can’t connect. “If you’re confident that your guest wants that connection, you can go for walks together, play sports, listen to music or be creative,” says Brent.
The likelihood is that you won’t cohabit forever. “Make it clear what your hard stop is in terms of the time that you can offer, but also work out practical things that you can do towards the end of that period, to help them prepare for leaving,” advises Emily. “Most people do want to get their own space as quickly as possible.” That said, your relationship won’t necessarily end. “In our case it absolutely didn’t — Malva is still in our lives, and I still help her out.’
Beyond Ukraine
While Garnett’s family is in the process of arranging to host a Ukrainian mother and child, she makes the point that there are many refugees here from other countries who still need a home, even if they’re not new arrivals. It’s not simply that hosting is a kind thing to do, she adds: “It’s interesting and broadens your horizons. We like having people in our house — it makes us all behave better.”
