The singleton’s guide to how not to begin a conversation on a first date [pooled from correspondents in the field].
“My therapist always says?”
“You look really familiar. Have we??”
“Mr Whiskers is so talented?”
“This is great, but I need to establish you’re disease-free?”
Advertisement
“Jesus told me I’d meet someone?”
“My philosophy is?”
“It’s wonderful to have someone to confide all this in?”
“Just a small glass?”
“Your aura has so much anger?”
“My parents are going to love you?”
“The thing is about being an alpha male?”
“I can’t wait to blog about tonight?”
“When people say cult?”
“One day I will teach you German?”
“This may sound like a platitude?”
“The pills I’m taking don’t let me think thoughts like that?”
“Sure, it looks like a wedding ring?”
[Proffers photograph] “This is my car/ex-partner/pony?”
“I’m a Sagittarian who is curious about life?”
“Here are my children. Say ‘Hello’, children?”
“ ‘Groupie’ is such a judgmental word?”
Advertisement
“It’s not a current restraining order?”
“I’ve always wanted to meet someone in your sector...”
“This is so much better than just imagining being with you?”
“I don’t really eat, as such?”
“Sure, it looks like herpes?”
Advertisement
“Thank you for being you?”
“I love you...”