This week: on a regular basis
Formerly known as: regularly
Arresting officers: Joe McKie and Andrew Tarr
The case for the prosecution: In idle moments, the prosecution likes to compare itself to the great lawyers of our time. It thinks, naturally, of Cherie Booth, of Denzel Washington in selected films and of the timeless Rumpole of the Bailey.
The domestic sufferings of the last of these have had a special resonance lately as the prosecution has been the subject of endless nagging at home. When He Who Must be Obeyed began to campaign for a case to be brought against “on a daily basis” it was only a matter of time before, well, he had to be obeyed. Thus it was a great relief to receive an e-mail on the subject from Andrew Tarr, allowing a case to be brought legitimately — and neatly summing up the problem. “It used to be enough to say that something happened ‘every day’ or ‘regularly’,” he writes. “Now systems have to be checked ‘on a monthly basis’.”
Even better, from the Jargon Rumpole’s point of view, Joe McKie has written a skeleton argument on its behalf. “In the toilets of a Glasgow hospital, I read: ‘These toilets are cleaned on a regular basis’,” he notes. “Not having seen a regular basis, I am puzzled by this statement. How is one taken into the toilets? Is it collapsible, or perhaps transported in segments and assembled in situ? Surely it would be less trouble, and just as hygienic, to dispense with the basis and simply clean the toilets regularly?”
It is unclear on what basis the authors of hospital notices, for example, decide that a basis is needed. It seems, ironically, to be a phrase without foundation.
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As usual, the prosecution asks the public to consider, daily, how to be clearer and simpler. And it appeals to Judge Jargon to lock “on a -ly basis” in the court cleaning cupboard and throw away the key. Otherwise it will never have any peace at home.
Judge Jargon says: This base verbiage is a daily irritant. I am hanging up my gavel today, but it is a great pleasure to use it one last time to hammer such a useless phrase. Many thanks for your e-mails and letters, which I have enjoyed (regularly).